Chad reiterates, he's coming back

I am not as critical of Chad as a lot of folks. Like he says, its entertainment, and one thing for sure—Chad is entertaining-in addition to being a damn good football player. There is no doubt that he has a penchant for putting his foot in his mouth and sometimes gets a little to caught up in “the show”-I just hope that when he shows up, he is serious (no TO bs) and comes with a fire in his belly to win.

The D is the problem….we need a D line.

He’s going to saunter into town acting like he hasn’t been a complete fool for months on end. Moose muffins! Don’t forget for a second that he:

1.) Got overshadowed by the #2 WR in both receptions and TDs in 2007. Hardly a leader.
2.) Blew key routes that led to interceptions, ducked out-of-bounds on 4th down before a clearly-visible 1st down marker, dropped key passes and yelled at his QB on the sidelines.
3.) Started his “trade me” whine-fest tour before the Pro Bowl.
4.) Demanded to be let out of a contract extension that he was given because he asked for it!
5.) Has “No arrests. No domestic violence. No nothing. Except a [expletive] Hall of Fame jacket and a couple of dances.” Oh…and he owes $13,000 in taxes!

But it’s all the defense’s fault that he’s acting this way. Mm-hmm.

Feh. He is tired of the Bengals not spending money that would take them to the next level. Um, no…that’s just the REST of us, Nick (yeah, of course I was ticked about the Shaun Rogers debacle just like everybody else!). Chad, however, has always been about Chad, the whole Chad, and nothing but the Chad!

God Bless Mike & Marvin, however flawed their overall approach to football might be, for staring down this whiny little millionaire brat and DARING him to follow through on his threats. I hope he gets benched in favor of the young talent Cincy’s brought in! If there are any performance modifiers in his contract, I hope he meets NONE of them! I hope he sees that only true contrition, both public AND in the locker room, are what will get a single ball thrown to him in the NFL ever again! I hope he has post-NFL success in Hollywood that only slightly approaches that of Brian Bosworth! And I hope he fires Oil Slick (why are we calling RosenSatan that, anyhow…I’m just curious) for leading him down a completely self-destructive path just because it worked for the biggest vaudevillian ever to play the game!

I yield the balance of my time.

I’d just finally got my head on straight, just got comfortable with the notion, and even got a bit psyched for a Chad-less 2008- hell, a Chad-less forever. So, now I’ve got to, what? Forgive all that amoebic logorrhea of the past six months and just pretend it never happened- and get all “Welcome back, buddy! Good to see ya!” over his dragging home with his tail between his legs? Not happening. The bible, this ain’t and the prodigal son, he ain’t. No way, no how.

I still want him gone. I still want every damn one of those 85 jerseys turned in, dyed pink, and donated to the Susan G Komen Breast Cancer whatchamacallit, I still want to see Chinedum Ndukwe tattoo a Riddell logo on his chest one day when he comes here with his new cellar dwelling squad.

I heard talk on the radio today that now the Bengals might give him a new, T.O.esque contract, essentially rewarding him for hemming, hawing, and, then, finally honoring his old one. I call BS on that. Screw Chad, his agent, and Mike Brown for not having moved him already.

“They want you to play inside this little box, and if you ever dare step outside this box you’re in trouble. Well, there is no box for me. I am completely out the box.”

More like Out of His Mind

...Chad Johnson ain’t no Kobe Bryant and, so far as I know, he don’t clear paths for Rudi in the middle and he definitely don’t play no defense. You’re talking apples and rocks, dude. Plus, where exactly is our Pao Gasol or our Osi Umenyora for that matter- you know, the one guy who had more sacks in one game than any of the Bengals had all last season? Pretty thoughts, though.

And Chad? Nobody gives a shit if you putt the ball with a pylon or propose to a cheerleader. Hell, I don’t even care if you put on a Hall of Fame jacket on the sidelines that looked like it was made by pre-schoolers. Just do me a couple of favors:

1. If it’s fourth down, at least make an attempt for the first down marker.
2. Don’t get fifteen-yard penalties called for your out of the box celebrations.
3. Remember that, although there is a “ME” in “T-E-A-M,” it’s really just the first two letters of “M-E-A-T”, meathead.
4. Hold onto the ball, sharpen up those routes, and make those rooks work hard for playing time.
5. If you’re gonna do a segment on a local news show, hold out for a professional one instead of Fox19.
6. If Rutger Hauer or Dolph Lundgren is in it, it’s not a real movie.