Sunday Night, Silent Night

by Timzilla on Aug 14, 2008 11:55 AM EDT Comment 2 comments

More than once Monday night I had to double check the TV station. Was it Monday Night Football, Bengals vs. Packers … or a sappy Bridezilla episode? Football or footsies? Smash mouth or kissy face? ESPN announcers and Aaron sittin’ in a tree … K … I … S … S … I … N … G.

With all that embarrassing media slobber and swoon going on, I coulda sworn it Barrack Orodgers under center. Jeez, get a room, dudes. I mean, Orodgers’ numbers were okay … 9-15-117-1-1. He acquitted himself okay, I guess. If you double that, it’s 18-30-234-2-2. Again, okay, but hardly ‘Brett Who’ numbers.

I kept waiting to hear Kornheiser say, “did you see his poise in tossing that pick” … or “what an uncanny ability to misread a blind-side blitz” … and “wow, a perfectly over-thrown sure TD pass”. So, with all that commentator hype and fan adulation, it got me wondering how our prodigal son, The Chad, gets received Sunday.

Will there be ‘We Love Chad’ signs, or just signs of disgust and disapproval?

Despite the national media’s tendency to portray Cincinnati (the city) badly, the community is very fair, and very forgiving, and The Chad no doubt will experience this high-road quality Sunday night. But should he?

Should he get the Barrack Orodgers welcome?

After hearing more stupid, incoherent Chad comments Monday night, a few people came to mind. First, Rain Man. Is it just me or does The Chad sound more and more like Raymond, the Ran Man idiot savant? “I’m an excellent receiver, I’m an excellent receiver … I’m not wearing my underwear.”

I consider myself at least of average intelligence, with at least an average IQ, but I can no longer understand a word The Chad says. His ranting riddles and confusing non sequiturs are way above my head. So maybe it’s just me. Probably is.

And what’s with Chad’s way-too-obvious Eddie Haskell act? The fake, oh-so-polite-and-flattering “Why Mrs. Clever, and Bengals fans, how lovely you’re looking this evening” bull. Chad, we may be dumb but we’re not all stupid … your post-psycho tour sucking up is beneath even you. So stop it.

Yes, sadly, The Chad has become every cute child star who grew into a yucky, icky adult—The Coreys, The Olsen Twins … and Danny Bonaduce. Sure, The Chad’s antics were amusing as a 23-year-old kid rookie. Somewhat. But as a League veteran, it’s just plain creepy and sad, and reflects badly on the team and city.

So how will The Chad be received Sunday?

I can say with the utmost confidence The Chad’s worst night mare is not booos. It’s not jeers. It’s stone-cold silence. Nothing. No acknowledgment that 85 is even there. The Chad most fears Sunday Night, Silent Night. So, if I had ultimate control, for this one game, there’d be no 85 jerseys in the stadium … no pre-game comments shouted his way … and no cheers for any catches made. Nothing. But that’s just me.

More than likely Sunday will be a Barrack Ojohnson night. Lots of slobbering and swooning. And that’s okay, I guess. I was hoping for less.

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I think the mancrushing Rodgers ESPN booth was evidence of their surprise that the kid didn’t throw up his hands and run off the field sobbing, where he’d later be found in some corner of the Lambeau underbelly, sitting, rocking, and sucking his thumb. It’s the same sentiment as those trophies for “participation” we give out in elementary schools these days, writ large. Because, god forbid, anyone taste failure, ever. Rodgers had already proven in Dallas last season that he wasn’t cowed by the spotlight or the pressure and his performance Monday night was that of an average quarterback occasionally shining against a theoretically improved but still subpar defense that had apparently forgotten how to tackle.

I’m from the camp that wanted (Eg)Ocho the hell out of Dodge, pretty much from the moment he started opening his mouth this past offseason. I still don’t trust him as far as Jason Shirley could throw him and that’s not helped by comments referencing the ‘Canes of the ’90s- hellacious ballers with a reputation for off the field thuggery(and what that has to do with non-alum Johnson, I couldn’t say). Neither does his comment I heard today about him letting what Marvin said go in one ear and out the other. He also said he was the oil that made this offensive engine run, when he’s really more like one of those idiotic spinning rims you see on pimped out rides. Shut up, Chad, play ball, score touchdowns, celebrate like someone who’s never seen the end zone but keep your mouth shut. Please.

At the stadium, he’ll receive anywhere from tepid to average cheers. The Bengals’ fans can neither organize or hold a grudge.

by IgnatiusJReilly on Aug 14, 2008 3:17 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Disgraceful Journalism

Did anyone else notice that when Dan Santucci broke his ankle Monday night, not one of the announcers mentioned that there was an injury on the field, even to explain the delay between plays, much less actually report on who got injured and how? Instead, we were treated to a static camera shot of the announcing crew verbally fellating Brett Favre while Tony Kornheiser wore a Jets Favre jersey. If you follow the gaze of Tirico and Jaworski, neither of them even glanced at the field; Kornheiser had his head to far up his ass to notice anything on the field. Call me old fashioned, but I thought the job of announcers is to report what go on on the field; not only that, not reporting on an injury is disrespectful.

Moreover, Sportscenter failed to show a single Bengals highlight, even though they won the damn game.

Lame.

"Ryan, Things in here don't react too well to bullets." - Marko Ramius

by TarZander on Aug 14, 2008 9:16 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs