Botox, Lipo And An Ass Tuck Gets Bengals To 4-1
by Timzilla on Oct 14, 2009 7:44 AM EDT
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PrintOnce upon a time there lived a pretty NFL QB. Pretty arm, pretty release, pretty throws. Oh, and stacked to the max, baby ... with a good OL, good WRs, good RB, good play calling. And a decent Defense, too. Hell, there were happy, shiny people everywhere. It was 2005 and this QB Beauty was 11-3 en route to the Land of Lollipops and Playoffs.
Heck, he was as hot as superduper models Manning and Brady.
Then came The Knee. The Arrests. The Drafts. The Demise. The Apathy. The Elbow. Suddenly Little Miss Sunshine was ugly. I don’t mean your average street-corner ugly. I mean loud hung-over 4 a.m. alarm clock going off ugly. I mean dogbutt pimple ugly. Most bloggers and blog posters told us so – sure he can ring up big numbers, at times, but he can’t lead, he’s not clutch, he can’t move, he’s got no fire, he’s overrated. Oh, and worst of all he chokes. There was even the Carson Palmer Sucks Forum online.
Hot or Not? Not!
"I’ll take Roethlisberger, you get Palmer," they say.
Then, apparently, this ugly two-bagger of a QB got a blast of Botox. Some lipo. And an ass tuck, too. Waalaa, he’s pretty again. Sure, a few of his hallmark stats are down ... but hey, suddenly he CAN lead, he CAN move, he’s GOT fire, he’s NOT overrated. And he DOESN’T choke. There are happy, shiny people everywhere, again. While Goggling ‘Carson Palmer Sucks’ five weeks ago would gotcha about 32,700 results, my guess is that number is frozen, for now.
Since ’06, some have said putting legitimate, law-abiding talent around this one-time QB Starlet will restore the Red Carpet luster—others scuffed. Nay, doesn’t matter they said. Palmer sucks 32,700 times.
Hot or Not? Not! "I’ll take Roethlisberger, you get Palmer," they say. No doubt the four last-minute, game-winning drives had nothing to do with that lame ‘put talent around him’ claim. Must be the Botox. The lipo. And that ass tuck, too.
This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of Cincy Jungle's writers or editors. It does reflect the views of this particular fan though, which is as important as the views of Cincy Jungle's writers or editors.
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Yeah, the anti Palmers ...
are laying low. Understandable, considering he’s racked up 5 years’ worth of successful end-of-game drives in 5 weeks. Palmer has routinely done what the most ardent Palmer detractors say he can’t do; win in the clutch, at the end. But clutch wins at the end are never about just the QB; that’s why no clutch Detroit Lions QBs come to mind.
I didn,t doubt Carson at all!!!
All I was saying is that he needed to pick it up, SOME FIRE, to be that leader that I knew he could be, “AGAIN”. I not an Anti-Palmer, but wanted to see him succeed, or excel much better than what he was doing. You know that the O was STALE!!! At times, it still is! But after he gets going, the O will step up even more. If you look at his stats, they are not that good right now. His QB rating is round about 75 and he has some issues with his interceptions. Don’t get me wrong, he is getting better and he does lead this team to victory when it counts. That are signs of the Carson we all know!!!!! So there will be better stats for him to come. That’s all he needs now to be a GREAT QB.(in the record books). I will never lay low because great QB’s rack up game winning drives all of the time!
I know you can't stand Ocho but
what do you have to say about this stunt, he just pulled today! He just bought, with some help, tickets for the fans and not just for the charities. Before you say it, we the fans are not charity, well the ones that received tickets. In my opinion, this was a great gesture on Chads part and what he did was in the same standard as what Carson is! Isn’t it nice that a player has given back to the fans. Think about it for a while and tell me if your mind hasn’t changed on the Chad issue!!!!! Probably not but you got to give him props!!!!!
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