Totally Random, Stupid Thoughts

Ever wonder, if the Bengals were a person with real human traits who they be? Hey, I wonder that, too. Personally, I think their name would be Bob, who’d always answer, "yes" to his wife’s question, "does this dress make my butt look fat?" Bob would show up drunk to job interviews. And down to his last dollar, Bob would still park in a $500 tow away zone. Yep, Bob’s sorta self-destructive, and it’s his self-destructive nature that’s making it hard (if not impossible) to get a bead on this team. Are they a terminally mistake-prone, under-achieving team that somehow just finds ways to win? Or, are they actually highly talented, but just can’t find their ‘consistency’ gear? Hell, I can’t tell. But 3-1 is 3-1.

Palmer credits seeing The Chadster’s pick gloves for his critical game-tying, fourth-down TD pass—the pass preceding Cleveland’s 10th blocked kick of the day. To make himself even more visible next week, my sources report Chad plans to wear leopard-skin panties, on the outside ... and duct-tape a live beaver to his helmet.

Speaking of Chad. Anyone who’s debated football with me for more than 5 minutes knows my feelings about no. 85 – for all his immense talent, he’d be even better (and better for the team) if not for his profound selfishness. But my wife says I’m being too tough on Mr. Me Me, and that I need to funnel that energy in more positive ways; like household chores. So, today I’m vowing a moratorium on anti-Chad rhetoric, at least until after I paint the house and finish some yard work.

Was interesting watching the OT fourth-and-11 situation. While Lewis’ inner voice said, "go for the tie, girly man" ... his offense was screaming, "... grow a pair, coacher dude!" So, Kudos to Palmer and Whitworth for their impressive lobbying. My sources tell me the offense also talked Lewis out of allowing Andre Smith to take snaps in the wildcat, and running an entire offensive series of shovel passes. Great work, offense.

Final note. My sources also tell me that after the game an angry, despondent Shayne Graham tried calling to harass an ex-girlfriend ... but she blocked to call.