Why Larry Johnson? Mike Brown is the New Jaws

by drj112379 on Nov 16, 2009 8:28 PM EST Comment 4 comments

So this morning Bengals fans were swimming in the euphoria of the win against the Steelers. But there was Shark Mike Brown lurking in the midst, waiting to reveal his diabolical plans to damper our excitement. Here’s how my morning went in the Ocean of Bengal Feel-Good Feelings with other fans (I used a thesaurus for that title):

Me: Who dey.
Random Fan #1: Man, that was a great game. I expected us to lose. I already made up a list of excuses about why we lost. It was a great game. (an actual comment)
Me: Yeah, a great game. (Thinking, this is the state of a typical Bengals fan: We’ve been losing for so long that we couldn’t possibly conceive of a way that we could win this game)
(Shark Mike Brown is swimming a few yards out)
Me: We’re going to the playoffs.
(Da-dum)
Random Fan #2: Our defense won us the game.
(Daaaa-dum)
Me: We out-Steelered the Steelers.
(Daaaaaa-dum)
Random Fan #3: We’re going to Miami in February. Super Bowl!
Dum
Dum
Dum
Dum
Dum
Ba-da-DAAAAAA!!! (Shark Mike Brown surges out of the water, in all his old, wrinkly, saggy, baldy glory)

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Good Metaphor

But don’t get so bummed out, this really changes nothing. Unless Benson is hurt badly he probably won’t see the field a whole lot. Look at Andre Smith/Fui/Coffman they still haven’t played. I think Marvin is using the classic if it ain’t broke don’t fix it approach this season.

by St. Esiason on Nov 17, 2009 12:15 AM EST reply actions 0 recs

this can't possibly hurt us.

LJ won’t be a locker room distraction because he is irrelevant. the guy just got kicked in the nuts by 31 NFL teams. 1 cut him, and 30 didn’t sign him for LEAGUE MINIMUM. that O line in KC was a joke and if Ced goes down, we have two scat backs that can’t do what Ced can do. they don’t have the body type for it. underacheiving, suspect charecter running backs are Jim Anderson’s specialty. lord knows I’d rather have him and not need him, then need him and not have him. the only question is who is the dead weight? Simpson anyone? besides, Marvin has been telling us for over a month that Roy Williams had a forearm bruise…gee that doesn’t sound that bad. only to find out his arm was fractured again. anyone really want to bank on the accuracy of Ced’s injury description as “not serious”?

by steve whodey on Nov 17, 2009 1:04 AM EST reply actions 0 recs