Kim Kardashian Interview With Carson Palmer’s Alter Ego: Part 1
by Timzilla on Dec 19, 2009 6:01 AM EST
22 comments
Oddbounces.com correspondent Kim Kardashian today sat down with the alter ego of Bengals QB Carson Palmer to discuss life, faith, marriage, fatherhood and the Trent Dilferizing of his career. But we’ll skip the life, faith, marriage and fatherhood parts.
Kardashian: First, I want to thank you for talking with Oddbounces.com.
Palmer: Didn’t you get fat?
Kardashian: No. Just a big booty.
Palmer: Get dumped by Romo?
Kardashian: Someday.
Palmer: Hobson, who are these people!
Kardashian: I mean, you're Carson Palmer ... how do you feel about being Trent Dilferized? ... essentially being reduced to a golden-armed, Heisman Trophy-winning version of the most talentless, game-managing QB of all time?
Palmer: I’m Carson’s alter ego, right, so I have to be honest?
Kardashian: Does Marvin say 'and that's a good thing' a lot?
Palmer: Okay, it sucks.
Kardashian: Can you expand upon that?
Palmer: It sucks a lot. And blows.
Kardashian: More?
Palmer: Yeah, okay ... I go into those press conferences, and I tow the running-game line ... and say ‘teamy’ things like, ‘sure I’d like to throw it 50 times, but we’re a running team’ so ...
Kardashian: And ...
Palmer: I want to throw the damn ball ... 50 times! Eveybody knows it ... my butcher knows it ... my neighbor knows it ... my dog knows it ... I want to throw it 50 times, okay!
Kardashian: So handing off to Ced all day, and dumping it off to the backs? ...
Palmer: Yes, I have been Dilferized.
Kardashian: The shorty-ass passes?
Palmer: Dilferized.
Kardashian: The little dunky stuff over the middle?
Palmer: Dilferized.
Kardashian: Some say the passing woes are your fault.
Palmer: Look, Jessica.
Kardashian: It's Kim.
Palmer: We don’t even practice passing any more. Passing drills have been replaced by bowling, playing Limbo and London Bridge Is Falling Down, and titty-twisters on Andre Smith.
Kardashian: So what’s the answer?
Palmer: I’ll tell you, Brittney ...
Kardashian: Kim.
Palmer: Somehow I have to become totally ... completely ... 100 percent ... de-TrentDilferized.
Kardashian: How?
Palmer: First, we must not converse with the Demon Dilfer. Do not challenge the Demon. And do not command the Demon to do anything on our own authority ... make sure we use John Elway’s name and authority. And do not be afraid, and do not get angry or lose your temper, for the Demon Dilfer dwells and gets its energy from our fear, anger and temper. And use the name of John Elway, say "by the blood of Elway" ... and say psalms 93 and 91.
Kardashian: Cool.
Look for next week's Part 2 of Kardashian’s revealing interview with Carson Palmer’s alter ego.
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if in 2005 our passing game worked.. and in 2009 our running game works.. is 2013 when we can expect to see a balanced playbook?
by 80%OFTHETIMEIMRIGHTEVERYTIME on Dec 19, 2009 7:11 AM EST reply actions
If Lewis wants ...
replicas of his ‘96 Steelers and 2001 Ravens teams, which means having game-managing QBs, that’s fine … then trade Palmer for lots of high draft picks … we just don’t need a Heisman QB to hand off, and dunk and dink the ball.
I would agree but I think everyone knows he might be damaged goods. We are paying Carson a lot of money to hand off though.. and why are we paying Coats?
by 80%OFTHETIMEIMRIGHTEVERYTIME on Dec 19, 2009 9:51 AM EST up reply actions
I don't think he's damaged ...
… other than for a few off-balance floater balls he’s thrown, his arm appears fine. But for various reasons, since the Chicago game the entire passing game has imploded. I mostly blame the tackles.
okay, but his medical records aren't made up.
Carson is more fragile now than a few years ago simply because of what he has been through. You can kick the side of a metal can, denting it, and still use it as a trash can.. however, most would comment that the can appears damaged.
by 80%OFTHETIMEIMRIGHTEVERYTIME on Dec 19, 2009 1:23 PM EST up reply actions
But his arm ...
appears strong. His issue doesn’t seem to be health … it appears to be simply ‘less time to throw’ and ‘miss-timing with the receivers’. But if he is hurt, I’d expect that to be revealed some time soon.
Great. Im done making analogies, Carson has had (notice the past tense) injuries before to key parts of his body. Such as his knees, ankles, and his $100 mil throwing arm. No one knows how healthy he is currently, although Id suggest he has the typical almost-end-of-season wear and tear, the point is he’s fragile.
by 80%OFTHETIMEIMRIGHTEVERYTIME on Dec 19, 2009 3:43 PM EST up reply actions
A number of QBs ...
have had knee surgeries, and Palmer threw for a lot of yards in ‘06, the year after the injury. He seems more mobile this year than ever. And he doesn’t appear to have physical problems throwing it long, just problems connecting long. At least to the naked eye, his issues seem to be poor execution on his part at times, and on the teams’ part at times. So we’ll see.
swing and a miss..
who needs earmuffs when you’ve got butt cheeks. instead of saying the same thing for a fourth time I am just going to reflect on why I usually do not reply to you. Wait, did I just walk in a circle?
by 80%OFTHETIMEIMRIGHTEVERYTIME on Dec 20, 2009 10:29 AM EST up reply actions
Carson:
And speaking of the running game, no one gives me any credit for being able to hand-off right handed—no matter which way we’re running. I mean, I got game, dont I? … dont I?!
hey carson
you give away the play action fake when you pretend to hand off with two hands instead of the one when it realy is a hand off
I'll take Carson's play action any day!
Have you even see Ben do a PA? He’s terrible. He barely notions to the back. When it is a run though, you’ll see him fully extend that arm for ages as he runs it to the back. Even the people in the concession stands know it’s a hand off!
Bring a towel to the game. Black or gold or yellow. If you don't have one buy one, If you can't buy one, dye one!
Xbox Live Gamertag- Alf Ardanyu
by SoCalSteelerFan on Dec 19, 2009 4:26 PM EST up reply actions
Yeah I've ...
noticed that about Ben. If you have a good running game, as the Steelers have had for decades, the PA can be 10 time more effective. Coaches should show their QBs every Esiason throw in his Super Bowl season … I bet half his passing yards came off PA.
Tim
You’re supposed to blame Chad for the passing game because of his distractions to the team. What gives?
She underwent ...
heavy training, and had the aid of a translator … 34 hours later and a little editing, it was a take.
Not that I watched a ton of bengals game this year
but it seems like Carson is really inconsistent when in 2005 he was much better
E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES!!!
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