Bengals Can’t Expect Back-To-Back, Skirt-Wearing Performances By Chiefs, Says Counter Intelligence-Master Jack Bauer.

Oddbounces.com News Service - What can we say about the Chiefs run defense that hasn’t already been said. Not much, but I’ll try. Let’s go with—pitifully porous, puny, and a real no-run-defense poopy pants.

In fact, I’m not sure it’s required by law we use the actual word defense in describing KC’s ‘opposite to their offensive’ side of the ball. Last week they were just ‘Slight Interrupters’ to Cleveland’s 834 yards rushing. So, on the ‘Slight Interrupter’s’ side of the ball, Kansas City looks to get another Perkin’s Pancaking today. Right? I mean, the Bengals are the League’s 6th-best move-the-ball-by-the-feet team. Right?

So, if Cleveland amassed 1,012 yards in one game, by the feet, the run-happy Bengals should get 2,000 yards today. Right?

Not so fast.

Let’s call in master counter-intelligence, counter-terrorist expert Jack Bauer.

So, sit down. And shut up. NOW!

The Oddbounces Global Network Of Contacts And Resources Division (OGNOCAR; pronounced OgNoCar) tracked down the all-time world savior, and  high school graduate. “Look, even my catatonic ex-girlfriend Audrey knows the Chiefs took an East German-designed plastic explosive with a built-in Murafield-timer hit on its defense last week,” Bauer said from a Chinese prison cell.

“Before going dark, I instructed Bengals OC Bratkowski to have Palmer throw a parameter around that Bengals passing game, and be ready to slap silly those KC DBs like a Saudi suicide bomber.

“And the Bengals better be ready to launch it like a Nigerian-constructed dirty bomb. NOW!” added Bauer.

So there you have it, advice from the greatest counter-intelligence strategist of all time. The Bengals can’t depend on back-to-back, skirt-wearing performances by the Chiefs. If they practiced 40 hours this week, 38 were spent on prepping for the Cincinnati running game.

Don’t get us wrong.

In no way are Jack and I suggesting abandoning the run game. All we’re saying is (Brat listen up … NOW!), don’t try running the ball 110 percent of the time in the first half if the Chiefs are stopping it.

And don’t go into the locker room down or up 7-3 because you ran every play. Listen to Jack … have Palmer throw a parameter around the passing game, and be ready to slap silly those KC DBs like a Saudi suicide bomber.

I say the Bengals go all jiggy on ‘em – 31-10.