Open Thread: Come up with creative nicknames for Bengals players

by Kirkendall on Apr 10, 2009 4:14 PM EDT Comment 14 comments

The best part about working for the government, who my anarchist cousin calls me a trader because I'm working for the man, is that we get every holiday off, and sometimes on the Friday before a holiday weekend, we get early dismissal. My day trade is working technology -- more specifically security (firewalls, antivirus, network monitoring, etc..), with webmaster, data collaboration and novice PC repair work. I've been working the trade professionally for almost 10 years. I was one of those guys that laughed about the doom and gloom the media portrayed Conficker as. But if you have a question about computers, send me an email. We'll chat.

Anyway, I got off early today. So on my ride home, I got a chance to listen to Lance's show, with one of the topics being a reaction to Kevin Blackistone's commentary on nicknames in sports. Or lacking nicknames in sports.

Nicknames. We've come up with a few, but not nearly enough. We call Carson Palmer, the God of the Golden Arms. We call Drew Rosenhaus, Oil Slick. We call Chad Ocho Cinco, Chad Johnson. Mike Brown is known as The Redeemer. In the past, we've called Roger Goodell, Chancellor Goodell. But we don't have much. So while I make my rounds for free beer and free food being my birthday today (sing it for me!), I thought we'd open a thread to discuss nicknames for Bengals players.

The most creative nicknames, win (nothing).

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Well you could also call Chad “Mucho Stinko”. It actually rhymes with his legal name and expresses disdain for his behavior and name change in one fell swoop.

I don’t know what else to call Chris Perry except “butterfingers”.

And while I hope it won’t be applicable in the future, for now we have to call him Keith “Glass Jaw” Rivers. Especially if he really was hit with only a shoulderpad (yeah like any of us really believe that, but that’s the NFL’s story and I suppose they are going to stick to it).

Dhani “Green Giant” Jones, perhaps?

by FriarBob on Apr 10, 2009 4:28 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

If Carl-Johan Bjork was still on the team...

I’d call him “the Umlaut.”, otherwise, I think Kyries Hebert should be known as Mr. Mister in honor of the song Kyrie, by Mr. Mister.

"Ryan, Things in here don't react too well to bullets." - Marko Ramius

by TarZander on Apr 10, 2009 4:35 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Ben Utecht- Choirboy
John Thornton- Pops
Eric Ghiaciuc- Turnstile
Levi Jones- The Matador
Chinedum Ndukwe- El Duque
Keith Rivers- Las Mandíbulas de la Vida
Chris Henry- Slinky
Jerome Simpson- Mitts
Andrew Crummey- Mr. Crocker(Betty’s Husband)
Domato Peko- Curly
Antwan Odom- Blue Moon
Carson Palmer- Leadfoot
Dan Coats- What the Hell Am I Doing Back Here?
Corey Lynch- Lloyd Carr Kryptonite
Cedric Benson- The Governor
Jason Shirley- Don’t Call Me Shirley
Pat Sims- Wart Hog
Simeon Castille- Thimeon Cathtille
…

by IgnatiusJReilly on Apr 10, 2009 5:26 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Nicknames

Cedric Benson – Captain Stubbing
Andre Caldwell – Andre Ochothousand
Antonio Chatman – Shorty
Daniel Coats – The Hanger
Laveranues Coles / Jason Shirley – Lavern and Shirley
Anthony Collins – Dump Truck
DeDe Dorsey – Moonshine
Jonathan Fanene – Neh Neh
Shanye Graham – Shaggy
Leon Hall – The Hall Of Justice
Eric Henderson – Bob
Chris Henry – Lankster
James Johnson – JJ
Tank Johnson – ah… Tank
Dhani Jones – The Professor
Levi Jones – Tiny
Reggie Kelly – Papaw
Kyle Larson – The Larsonist
Corey Lynch – Babyface
Chinedum Ndukwe – (I like the last one…) El Duque
Chad Johnson – Sniffle
Carson Palmer – Patton
Jerome Simpson – The Glove
Pat Sims – Ground Hog
Ben Utecht – The Apostle
Kenny Watson – Watts
Marvin White – White Shadow
Bobbie Wiliiams – Boss Man

by Bassthrob on Apr 10, 2009 7:00 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

"Anthony Collins – Dump Truck"

I like that!

Blogger at CincyJungle.com -- SB Nation Cincinnati Bengals blog.

by Kirkendall on Apr 11, 2009 11:43 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Why limit it to players?

How about some front office classics?

Mike Brown: The Monolith (h/t LeTigre)
Katie Blackburn: Pumpkie
Troy Blackburn: Boy Troy

by BeerRun on Apr 10, 2009 7:31 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Mike Brown= Manbearpig

by IgnatiusJReilly on Apr 11, 2009 8:31 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

HAHAHAHA

by TheWalrus1971 on Apr 13, 2009 12:09 AM EDT up reply actions 0 recs

Um.. sorry to break it, but Chinedum Ndukwe has the coolest nick name ever…

Um.. sorry to break it, but Chinedum Ndukwe has the coolest nick name ever…Duke Nukem.

by "Mr. NC-17" on Apr 10, 2009 10:10 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Domato Peko – Boo

by DaveF on Apr 11, 2009 7:32 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs

Chris Berman Version:

Carson “Who Killed Laura” Palmer
Levi “501” Jones
Chris “Last Tango In’” Perry
Cedric “Mercedes” Benson
Nate “Tenderizer” Lawrie
Kyle “Petty Theft” Larson
Leon “Halls of Montezuma”
Laveranues “Bimbo” Coles
Corey “Eraserhead” Lynch or Corey “Graham Cracker” Lynch, which leads to
Shane “Cracker” Graham
Bobbie “The Splendid Splinter” Williams
Dhani “Keepin’ Up With the” Jones
Keith “Cry Me A” Rivers
Domato “A Bushel and A” Peko
Carl-Johan “Resistance Is Futile” Bjork
Kyries “Eleison” Hebert

by IgnatiusJReilly on Apr 11, 2009 12:06 PM EDT reply actions 0 recs