A Day in the Life of Ocho Cinco

the is a repost not my own original idea don't blame the messenger(ME) blame the one who wrote it(Unnamed Steelers fan over at BTSC, not his SN just protecting his privacy)


8:00 AM    Specially made Barbara Streisand (SP?) alarm clock blairs one of her many songs that Chad cherishes.

8:15 AM     Chad showers with Soap On A Rope. Even though he is alone, he likes to stay sharp for showers at the Bengals facility.

8:30 AM      Chad's Mother "Rubs him down" with goose patte while he watches Sports Center.

9:00 AM      Ocho eats a breakfast of quiche, fruit and a "High protien" smoothy.

10:00 AM    Electro-shock therapy is liberally administered until he acknowledges he is not the only player on the Bengals team, or his teeth begin to glow in the dark, whichever comes first. So far, it is always the teeth thing.

11:00 AM     Chad stagers back to his canope bed and weeps uncontrollably until he can speek again, at which point he practices sayings like, "In a paper bag, in a phone booth", and "Don't look now, I'm behind you".

11:30 AM      A full hour and a half of aerobics. Chad still has a vintage VCR that he uses to play his tapes of Jane Fonda. He admits to his mother and the mailman that he really likes to watch the tapes for fashion tips and that he is waiting for leg warmers to come back into style.

1:00 PM         Lunch consists of a foot long hotdog, twinkies, slim jims, french bread...Basically anything long and circular.

1:30 PM          His girlfriend, Pat, stops by to bring him some expensive moisturizers. She leaves after an argument with his mother about who gets to apply it.

1:40 PM          Flustered and confused, Chad retires to his home theater to watch this morning's Sesame Street twenty minutes early on Tivo. He is disapointed that they still haven't honored his many written requests to feature the word "Playa". But, he learns another letter in the alphabet.

2:10 PM           Still twenty minutes ahead of schedule, Chad decides to colck how long it takes him to run through his whole house, looking at himself in each and every mirror.

4:09 PM            Now an hour and thirty-nine munutes behind schedule, the Ocho is smiling, but has to skip his shceduled hour of tweeting, not mention, nine minutes of "Quality time" with Drew Rosenhouse to discuss a new first name for Chad. They end up leaning toward Atlas, Hercules or Scooter.

4:30 PM        Chad bites down on a rawhide strip as his mother administers his weekley bikini wax.

5:00 PM         Cocktail hour. Chad likes to be procuctive while drinking his appletini, so he reads Cosmo at the same time, looking for outfits to wear after a touchdown. He vows yet agin not to let Rosenhouse talk him out of the next one.

6:00 PM        Dinner. Knowing that he is spending his evening alone, Chad starts off with oysters, followed closely by a pork tenderloin, breadsticks get the picture.

6:45 PM        Chad zips himself into a red, full length, sequin dress, slips into a pair of five hundred dollar pumps and struts around his house saying "Child Please" to all the mirrors while "It's raining men" blairs from his state-of-the-art sound system, over and over.

8:00 PM       Now feeling "Deliciously Sexy", The Ocho takes a long bubble bath, telling his mother not to disturb him. She hears him gasp the name "Carson" through the bathroom door while she is sewing his dress yet again. she says one hundred Hail Marys. She is not even Catholic.

9:15 PM       He tells his mother he is not satisfied with his bikini wax and she goes over the area with a pair of tweezers.

9:30 PM       Chad, now dressed in latex as Catwoman, watches NFL live on Tivo and hises and scratches at the telivision whenever anything negative is said about him.

10:00 PM      Chad crank calls members of the media pretending to be a fan angerd by negative comments about Ocho Cinco, the best wide receiver in the NFL.

10:15 PM      Chad's psychiatrist has to step out of a ceramonial dinner to calm him down on his cell phone after members of the media guess who is calling and keep calling him Chad Johnson. His psychiatrist asks him if he remembers where he put his Thorozine.

10:25 PM      The Thorozine helps.

10:30 PM      Chad's mother gnetly rocks him to sleep while softly cooing he is the greatest entertainer in the house.

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of Cincy Jungle's writers or editors. It does reflect the views of this particular fan though, which is as important as the views of Cincy Jungle's writers or editors.

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