Other "Players" Bengals are Interested in

While Mikey Boy is at it, here are a few other players that we should pick up this season:

- Maurice Clarett: former Ohio State running back, and current prison inmate for ARMED ROBBERY (caps can be effective). He’s parole eligible… the stripes of his prison fatigues would go great with a Bengal tiger.

- Plaxico Burress: I hear he’s helping orphans in Haiti… learn how to not shoot themselves with their own handguns (important lessons in life, people. I can’t stress that enough).

- Stanley Wilson: I know, I know, he might be a little old for a running back, BUT he has several things going for him: Former Bengal who made it to the Super Bowl (with the Bengals in 89), great speed and body control, AND he couldn’t play in the Super Bowl because he did several lines of coke before the game. Now THAT is a challenge for YOU, Mr. Mike Brown.

Okay, to talk seriously, I’m not 100 percent against the signing of Matt Jones. He’s tall (6′6) and fast (4.37). He was supposedly turning a corner with the Jaguars before the suspension happened. This also gives the Bengals more leeway on whom to draft in the first round. They won’t have to reach in the first round for a receiver who’s not quite first-round material, and they can focus on getting the number one tight end in the draft, Jermaine Gresham (another tall, fast guy at 6′6″, but he’s also coming off an injury, which (closes eyes) seems to be ALWAYS the case (or something tainted) with the players we choose).