There are several players that every so often I will see mentioned but there's rarely any banter about them. So I thought we could discuss something other than how awesome our plethora of targets for Carson Palmer are (hopefully) going to play this year.
No, I really would like to get a good update about a couple of guys. Here they are in no real order:
#1 - ANDRE SMITH!
Woah now, big fella. Easy there. I honestly don't even remember more than a handful of plays he was in on in 2009. Unlike the many handfuls of chicken wings and pork ribs he has probably put down into the void since the end of the season. Does his contract still state he has to weigh in at under 400 lbs, or was that just for year one?
Well, whatever. I talk trash about someone's weight, but maybe I shouldn't throw stones. Regardless, are we to expect him to be ready to go? Has his broken foot given him any more issues? What the hell has he been doing?
#2 - REGGIE KELLY!
My heart sank as the life-force of the Bengals O was sucked out of the team. At least that's what HBO wanted me to believe. He really cares about his Bengals Comrads and wants Chase Coffman to do really well. But then his ankle was gnawed off by a ferrel poodle or something like that and we have not heard from him since. Now, it's early May and the dude isn't signed up. Reggie? Where's the love? Didn't you say you'd be back next year? Well, it's NEXT YEAR NOW. Are you gonna sign or not? Did you honestly think you were going to get more than the league minnie for being a blocking TE that broke his old ankle before the season even started? REALLY????? I'm hoping you make a huge come back. But don't make Brat beg for you to return. Didn't you watch Hard Knocks last year? They will fire your ass like they did Pressley, just because they thought he was Elvis. I don't know what that means either. But seriously big guy, that sound you hear is the door closing on your NFL career.
#3 - CHASE COFFMAN!
Hey. Speaking of Tight Ends that didn't catch any balls last year. Well....we're waiting. Make us proud, son. Did you learn how to block yet? Did you study and stuff? Did the first round pick wake your ass up?
#4 - ???!!!!
Don't we need someone to kick the ball? Yeah, I think we kind of do. There's that whole thing that starts games and after you score and then there's that part where you need to make a field goal. Do we even have someone that can do this? (Put your hand down, Ocho). If we do have some guys, are they any good?
#5 - CHAD JOHNSON
Hey Chad. Didn't you make a bet that if your ass got beat you'd change your name back to Johnson. What's going on with that? Hows the dancing going? I have not watched any of it, so can you update me on that? What's up with that dating show too? You date 85 chicks, and marry one of them? I really don't watch that crap either. Did you need some cash or something? Also, are you feeling a little pressure this year to produce big numbers? Everyones ok with you and your celebrations, we get it's all playful good natured and whatnot. Now you just have to actually make some TD catches that win us games.
That's all I got for now.