The Onion Takes on Palmer

by Jason Garrison on Jan 31, 2011 7:32 PM EST

If you're not familiar with The Onion, it's an online national news satire website. They take national and world news and put their humorous spin on it. It's similar to Cincinnati's Derf Magazine in that way. If you like laughing and reading, and doing both at the same time, you should give The Onion (and Derf, for that matter) a whirl.

Now, if you're wondering why I'm talking about this at all, it's because The Onion took a shot at Bengal's quarterback Carson Palmer Monday.

CINCINNATI—Claiming that the phone had been ringing off the hook all morning, Bengals owner and general manager Mike Brown told reporters Tuesday that representatives from every NFL franchise had contacted the Bengals organization to insist they absolutely do not want quarterback Carson Palmer. "As soon as the news got out that Carson wanted to be traded, coaches and general managers were just clamoring to let me know what a bad fit he would be for any team wanting to win football games," said Brown, adding that he was also contacted by several CFL teams expressing their uninterest in the Bengals starting quarterback. "Some teams have been hounding me five or six times a day just to let me know how badly they didn’t want to see Carson Palmer in one of their uniforms next year." Brown confirmed that at least two dozen teams had offered the Bengals draft picks in exchange for a guarantee that the organization wouldn’t try to make a deal for Palmer.

Who cares, right? I know I really don't, especially since nothing in the block quote above is true. The only reason that I decided to take the time to write this is to show you how far the Bengals franchise has fallen. Their franchise quarterback, who takes his job as serious as any in the NFL, is now the butt of a joke on a national website who probably hasn't included Cincinnati in a single story of theirs before.

Congratulations to the Bengals. You are now allowing your classiest and hardest working players to be turned into material for comedy writers.

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Comments

Sometimes

these things just write themselves.

I think the the bigger issue is the FO forcing Palmer to take yet another hit for the team and step up with a big time threat.

We’ll see how it all pans out.

2010 - The Year of the LOLCats.

by UpStateMike on Jan 31, 2011 7:36 PM EST reply actions

Grassroots Movement; BOOMER ESIASON FOR OC!

Lets get Boomer to run the offense!!!

by Vman in Germany on Jan 31, 2011 7:44 PM EST reply actions

HA! I don't think he could be paid enough to accept that role.

by JamesShively on Jan 31, 2011 7:47 PM EST up reply actions

How dare you

want to split up the comedy duo of Shannon Sharpe and Boomer Esiason

by LyotardFactory on Jan 31, 2011 8:01 PM EST up reply actions

meh.. it's the onion. no need to take it for more than it is.

i’ve read far worse things the past week in actual hard-hitting publications regarding palmer. the onion pokes fun at everything and tends to exaggerate it as well. pretty funny if you ask me.

shut up fuckface -nycredsfan

by GrooveLeg on Jan 31, 2011 9:23 PM EST reply actions

Agreed

Plus, they’ve covered the Bengals several times, which a quick search would have shown.

Satire can be biting criticism, but The Onion simply does not take itself that serious and we shouldn’t take it that serious either.

I do appreciate this post though. The Onion’s great.

by Plankton on Jan 31, 2011 9:36 PM EST up reply actions

By the way...

My favorite Onion Sports video

Now THAT I would be a little embarrassed about, even if it is just The Onion.

by Plankton on Jan 31, 2011 9:38 PM EST up reply actions

the onion is brilliant

shut up fuckface -nycredsfan

by GrooveLeg on Jan 31, 2011 10:09 PM EST up reply actions

I wasn't sure this was a joke on Palmer

If they wanted to rag on Palmer, they would have just wrote “Several teams have called Mike Brown…” because, you know, it’s a satirical newspaper and they can write that.

But they wrote that Mike Brown claimed that every team, including CFL teams, called saying please don’t trade. As in, Mike Brown claims that there is no way to trade Palmer, so he has to stay….

I dunno, I saw it on The Onion earlier today (which is great) and that’s what I took from it. Not “Carson Palmer sucks” cuz, well, there would be a lot of other, more effective ways to write that article. (Satirically, of course. I think Palmer’s still got it).

by nashville_chris on Jan 31, 2011 11:14 PM EST reply actions