Experts Declare Cincinnati Bengals Doomed Sunday

CLEVELAND - OCTOBER 03: Running back Peyton Hillis #40 of the Cleveland Browns is tackled by defenders Keith Rivers #55 and Rey Maualuga #58 of the Cincinnati Bengals at Cleveland Browns Stadium on October 3 2010 in Cleveland Ohio. (Photo by Matt Sullivan/Getty Images)

No need to tune in on Sunday. The experts have spoken and the verdict is clear: the Cincinnati Bengals have no chance whatsoever against the Cleveland Browns in Week 1.

(OK, well, there is that one guy who picked ‘em. But you can ignore him because he’s, y’know, a blogger.)

This is, of course, despite the fact that the Browns are dealing with a new offense, a new defense, a new coach and significant personnel turnover of their own. Doesn’t matter, since all the experts agree: the 2011 Cincinnati Bengals are the worst team that has existed, exists or will exist in any sport at any time and in any place across the infinite reaches of this universe and all parallel dimensions.

Why? BecauseMikeBrownCarsonPalmerSHUTUP!!!that’swhy.

Never mind that the Bengals went 4-12 with Carson last season. Never mind his role in the 88.5-point swing against the team caused by interceptions last season. Never mind that ESPN’s precious new QB rating system declared Carson "average" in 2010. That’s all on-field stuff. Doesn’t matter. Because MikeBrownCarsonPalmerSHUTUP!!!

Over to you, Ced.

"And nobody thinks we’re going to be worth a damn this year, huh? So it’s great for us."

Yup. Now get out there and make it great for us here as well. I got plenty of crow on order and I don’t plan on eating it myself.

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