Good Evening and happy return to football!
I meant to draw a Bengals comic a year ago, but I never got around to scan/edit/post it all until the hype of the new season. I thought you all would like to enjoy and appreciate it now since we're less than 24 hours until Week 1 against the trash birds. It's only a few slides posted on here, but the actual whole thing is about 40 pages of my hand scribbles.
I had problems uploading this, because i actually posted all of the pictures in gallery-form on a blog, and we are not allowed to post blog links on here. But I still have the HTML code, so I could post it on here if people are interested.
and Go Bengals! Let's have a great season.
Enjoy. Let me know if you guys would like me to post the whole thing. I'm not really sure where to post it up except on here since i cant post the direct link. But if you would like the link to whole gallery, you can feel free to contact me or leave a message here.
Actually screw it, i could post all of it on here. So it is all on here. Let me know if anything doesnt workDear Reader, I'll come up with some inspiration crap to go with this some other time. Scanning, editing, and posting this took longer than i had originally hoped, and i hope you just enjoy it days before the beginning of the season. Go Bengals!
|In A World of Billions of Man... (Cities of People, Cities of Pride) All Man Was Believed to be Created Equal...|
|And Yet.. There Exists Men Who Are Above the Regular Plane (The Monstrosity, The Elite, The Gladiators, The Insane, The Outrageous, The Ridiculous)|
|However, Many Compete. Most Fail. Blood, Sweat, Tears are Left on the Field.
Few Have the Opportunity... Many Pray for Fortune... Maybe next Year...
But Unfortunately Very Few Will Ever Achieve the Grandest of Titles!!!
|The Title of a CHAMPION!
Who Will Be Next..??
Who Will Write History...???
Who Will Stand Next to Legends??
The inspiring story of love, hate, and blood/guts/intestines.
A tribute to men who work so hard and have people that also work with them and can never get anything done and to their downfall (cough-Mike Brown-cough) causes everyone to hate what they stand for...
But when no one stands for them... Who will???
|July 25th, 2011|
|(Extra Extra! Read all about it! Adrian Peterson #1 Overall pick, not Mike Vick)
Ironically, Adrian Peterson tore his ACL, and Mike Vick ended missing 3 games. On hindsight, these two picks would be terrible.
(Fantasy Update: Football is Back! Draft Your Team Now! Draft Kit!)
(Sports: The NFL Lockout is Over... Finally! NFL PA and owners announce agreement on new CBA.)
(The Times: Everyone drop your things... Football is back, baby! On other news the economy is plummeting, but football has returned!)
Across the Lands... A New Season is Born...
Thirty-Two Teams Start 0-0
Everyone Believes their Team has a Shot At Winning the Crown...
There's Underdogs, Top Dogs, Hot Dogs, Dream Team Dogs, Slum Dogs, Weiner Dogs, Doggones...
And then there are...
|According to ESPN... Cincy Bengals rated as the 33rd worst team in the NFL. They are so bad, they had to introduce a 33rd team, a little league flag football team, to give the Bengals a "fair" ranking.
NYSE: Wall Street Journal - List of Worst Companies in the World- The NYSE stated that the Cincinatti Bengals owned by Mike Brown is THE WORST ran organization and franchise on the planet. (to clarify, since most of what is above is absurd, ESPN magazine made up random numbers based on weird crap and rated the Bengals as the worst franchise in all of sports. yes, it's fucking ridiculous)
Sports "expert" Colin Cowherd: "If you ask me, the Bengals have the best shot at going 0-16."
Bandwagon Steelers "fan": "Rubble Rubble Rubble, the Bengals are the suck. Big Ben <3 Hall of Famer."
|Marvin Lewis (shirtless): NOT IF.. BY MY MIGHT... I HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT IT!!!
Cincinnati Bengals Coach Marvin Lewis:
|And Thus Begins-
A New Chapter... Freed from the Shackles of the Past..
A Terrible History..
A Bright Future.. For a Franchise that was Once Respected
Traitor: Carson Palmer (QB) USC - 2003
Round 1, Pick #1 Overall
-Would rather sit on his couch and eat potato chips than play for the bungs (we did get a 1st/2nd rounders for trading him)
Bust: Akili Smith (QB) Oregon - 1999
Round 1, Pick #3
-Akili Smith describes his career with the Bengals as.. "Hell" (if your experience was "hell", then you can imagine what the viewers/fans are feeling)
- He was benched for THE Jon Kitna 10 games into his 2nd season, ending his disappointing career
I Don't Even Know: Ki-Jana Carter (RB) Penn State - 1995
Round 1, Pick #1 OVERALL!!! WTF!?!?!?
-His rookie preseason he tore a ligament practically ending his career and still got gifted $19.2 million over 7 years.
|Continued Brief History of the Bungles
Dick: Corey Dillon (RB) 1997-2003
-Leading rusher in Bengals History
"I'd rather flip burgers than play for the Bungles and the Brown Family" (paraphrased but he did say that)
Dope: Dan "Big Daddy" Wilkinson (DT) 1994
Round #1, Pick #1 OVERALL?? ASDFKJKJ@#$ASDFKJ!!!
-What is this guy? Exactly. He's no one. Top Bengals Busts.
From Riches to Rags: Odell Thurman (LB) 2005 - Georgia #48
High Note: Finished 2nd in Defensive Rookie of the Year (behind Shawn Merriman)
Low Note: Banned for 2 years for breaking substance abuse policy a year after!!!
Sounds... A LOT LIKE KEITH RIVERS (who ended up busting as well but isn't on this list). Goddamn it!!
Steelers: Dick LeBeau (Coach, Coordinator)
"I'm going to lead the Bengals to multiple losing seasons!"
Then, he leaves for the Steelers to sell his soul, giving Bengals even more reason to despise the Steelers.
A-Hole: Terrell Owens (WO)
"Well, the ball is too far away. I aint gonna try- Uh oh!"
Eat Torn ACL: Career Done.
Douchebag: T.J. Houshmazilly (WO) Diva
"Bengals suck. I'm going to Seattle."
2009 Season Record-
Bengals: 10-6, Seahawks: 5-11
Uhhh....: Kenny Irons (RB, if you can even call him that)
Drafted out of Auburn, school of runningbacks to the likes of Bo Jackson, Ricky Williams
And he never played a single game...
And Even so There are Spots of Shining Light!
Paul Brown: The God Of Bengal
-NCAA Champ (1942)
-3-time NFL Champ (1950, 1954, 1955)
-First Bengal Coach (1968-1975)
-Led us to 2 division titles and 3 play apparances
Class of 2005:
non-Asshole Carson Palmer
-32 Touchdowns (1st in league) over 12 interceptions (1st in league) and completed 67.8% passes (1st in league!!!)
Deltha O'Neal (CB)
-led the league (tied with 1 other) with 10 interceptions.
Rudi Johnson (RB) All downs, tough bruiser-style runner
-1,458 rushing yards on the season
Chad Johnson + TJ not-Douche-manzada (Double Wideout)
-Led Bengals in receptions and yards franchise records by a duo in a season
Class of 1988:
Legendary Left Tackle, Anthony Munoz- Hall of Famer
RB James Brooks (remember Techmo Bowl?)
Elbert L. "Ickey" Woods (FB)
-Led NFL in TDs with 15
-"Ickey Shuffle!" One of the Original TD celebrations
1988 NFL MVP:
Left-handed Boomer Esiason (QB)
-97.4 passer rating (1st in league)
-28 TD passes (1st in league)
-Led by Sam Wyche, who took the Bengals to the SuperBowl unti losing to the eventual champs, the 49ers with HOF Joe Montana and Jerry Rice
-The Bengals offense in 1988 led the NFL in points scored, total yards, and rushing yards!
|ESPN Power Rankings
32. Bengals (4-12 Record in 2010)
James Walker: "Coach Marvin Lewis says the 2011 Bengals are better than the 2010 Bengals. It should be a close race."
Jay Gruden - Brother of John Gruden
#4 Overall A.J. Green (WO), Georgia 6'4", 207lbs
"One of the biggest talents in wide receiver since Randy Moss and Calvin Johnson"
#35, 2nd rounder Andy Dalton (QB) TCU 6'2", 220 lbs
5th QB taken in draft
Won the Rose Bowl against Wisconsin
|AFC-North Divisional Battle: Cleveland Browns vs Our Beloved Cincinnati Bengals (Showdown in Ohio)|
New Coach Pat Shurmur
Quarterback Colt McCoy
Madden Curse 2011: Peyton Hillis (the curse remains consistent, next stop: Megatron)
|The Story Begins...
Coach Marvin Lewis: "Hey, Rookie! You ready? You're starting, boy.
Andy the rookie: "Yes! Coach!"
Marvin: Good... good. One more thing, rookie. (points away) You see that man over there? He's gonna be your best friend.
|Andy: Hike! (Darn it! No one's open) [Gresham faces a mismatch] Wait! GOT IT!
[An accurate pass to his tightend, Jermaine Gresham makes a nice grab]
|Andy: "Phew... thank God he was open"
"Would have gotten sacked if I couldn't get it out that early..."
[Andy pump fake, then left to his tightend]
#84: "Right where I wanted it, Andy!"
Andy: "He's tall and muscular. Good hands and speed..." (But WHO IS HE??)
|#84 Jermain Gresham "The Giant" Drafted in 2010, Oklahoma University - First Round
-Above average physical attributes
-Hands made of glue
*Super Skill*: Gigantus
Coach Marvin: "Intangibles are exceptional skills or values that players can attain before and/or during their career that enhance performance and gameplay."
Andy: "In.. Intangibles, huh?"
Marvin: "Yes, even though intangibles don't directly affect the game statistically nor is there a way to measure such things besides through knowledge and observation, it can make or break players.
|Jay Gruden: "Let's see how you do on a third and long. Andy!! Let's keep it rollin. We've got a nice drive..."
Andy: I wonder if I have any Intangibles? "Hike!" Give it to your guy. He's got a hot hand.
|Gresham: Oh, Goddamn it. A double team. Perhaps it's time... TO USE IT!!!
*Super Skill*: Gigantus
-Due to Gresham's already extremely large body, he is able to further enlarge his entire body with the power known as "Gigantus"
Andy: "Ill fit it right and hit Gresham. Crap... but he's got a double team."
He can reach up to heights of 50 feet which makes it nearly impossible to defend.
Andy: "Woa! Whattt???? He's wide open(just like Andy's mouth)!!"
|Announcer: Dalton Throws to an Unusually Open Gresham! Touchdown Bengals! Welcome to the NFL, Andy! First TD of his career.|
|Andrew Whitworth #77: "Way to go, Andy!"
Andy: "Woa! I'm really high up!" (The Bengals sure are loaded with some talent!)
|A Few Drives Between the Browns and Bengals Later...
Andy: We're down... Crap! Gotta make a play here...
From Andy's Blindside!!! CRAB ATTACK!
Announcer: Oh! No! Andy, Look out! The Browns are up to their dirty tactics once again! We're risking a sack! Don't fall in the trap!
*Super Skill*: Crab Style
certain players have an uncanny ability to move laterally extremely well, similar to the 8-legged crab which only moves side-to-side
Announcer: Andy gets rid of the ball just in the knick of time.
Phil Taylor of Baylor 21st pick of 2011 draft, 6'4", 235 lbs
|Andy: How dare he call me a rookie!
Announcer: As Andy falls, he lands awkwardly... Oh no!
The fans fall silent when their savior goes down on a broken defensive play!!!
Andy's Wrist! (Update: Return is questionable!! Crap!)
|Announcer: Coach Marvin looks pretty pissed off!
He's puffing smoke everywhere. He sure needs some puff-puff-pass
Offensive coordinator Jay Gruden: Relax... There's no need to get all angry... After all we're just playing the Browns... (hee hee) we'll sit him 'til he's healed
UNLEASH THE BRUCE!!
|Bruce Gradkowski Replaces Andy Dalton @ QB
Bruce: Don't worry, rookie! With the weapons on this team... oh, boy...!!!
A.J. Green (he's a monster!)
-intangible: literally he's untouchable!
-quick and smooth route running
-better in the air
Bruce: Hike! This is almost too easy!!
|Bruce: I'm not even... going to look!
Announcer: Here's the pass. What the hell is he doing? Is he even aiming for anyone?
A.J. Green is completely covered by the Brown's Triple Coverage!
AJ @ Bengal Tiger Speed!
What Will AJ do?
|Announcer: AJ Green Ran dead into the Triple Coverage?!?
What.. what good could possibly come from this?
Browns: Get him!
Super Defensive Power:
Pyramid Coverage Formation!!!
Browns: We got you surrounded punk!
Announcer: Oh no! AJ! He's still going top speed... How could he possibly..
|A.J.: Here we go!
He's suddenly disappeared...
then, randomly reappeared right behind them!!!
A.J.: ha ha ha! so long suckas!
Announcer: Touchdown AJ! First of his NFL career!
The Browns blew the lead.
|AJ Green: The Intangible Man!
Breakdown: Yes, it is true that triple-manned covered completely locks out a player, and it is impenetrable by any force
AJ Green's speed and hops allow him to travel so quickly it seems like he's made of air
he simply avoided and went around the triple team
Yet because his body move so quickly yours eye cannot adjust, it creates a moving image that's practically made of.. Air!
|Jay Gruden: Let's run these punks outta town! Their own town!
Andy (wearing a hand club for protection): hmmm... even the weakly Browns has a decent defensive
James: Hence, why the AFC North is the top division in the NFL. Too bad the Bengals have a horrible history or I would admit objectively that the Bengals are a good team this year. blah blah I love the Ravens and Steelers <3 Browns and Big Ben
Jay: Cover your ears, Andy!
Andy: Who's dat?
Jay: It's former AFC North blogger and analyst poser and professional Bengal hater and sub-par writer James "Jackass" Walker. Avoid the Jackass at all costs!!!
|Announcer: The Bengals line up in a six lineman rotation.. waiting for the right moment!
Jay Gruden: Let's run the clock out! No! Let's run the score up!
Andre Smith, Gresham, Cedric Benson (visor activated):
all 3 are drafted in the first round in the NFL Draft
|They create a massive hole in the much weaker defensive line
Benson is busting through..
Gresham- shredding a gigantic hole with his speed
Andre- blasting the defense with his large butt!!
..the hole is only getting bigger!
|Who is Cedric Benson?
Drafted out of Texas First round of NFL Draft
Drafted by the Bears #4 pick overall
He had great expectations...
However, certain off the field problems have affected him on the field
Eventually he would get into trouble on a boat part (DUI via boat)
He would also be released soon after... but things are looking good?
|#32 Cedric Benson: The Boat! S.S. Bungle!
Announcer: All the Bengals are safely seated inside S.S. Bungle while Benson destroys the entire Brown's defense
Onward! To In-zone Island! YARGH!!!
Dying Browns player: hmm, Lebron definitely can't play football!!
Maimed Browns player: Oh my God!! everyone is getting blown up!
Crippled Browns player: I'm out! I quit!
Typical Depressed Browns player: Jesus Christ! First, a giant and now this?
|Bengals win their season opener: 27-17!|
|The Bengals would go on to have an extremely successful season, reaching the playoffs only to fall in the first round...
As we wash our hands of an accomplished season, we - the fans- are unsatisfied with the results but maintain immense hope for our future.
A lot can change in a year:
-Ced Ben and others will be axed
-NFL Draft and Combine 2012
-Full training camp w/o lockout
-Will Marvin Lewis ever win a playoff game with this team?
-Is Andy Dalton an 'above average' QB?
This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of Cincy Jungle's writers or editors. It does reflect the views of this particular fan though, which is as important as the views of Cincy Jungle's writers or editors.