One decade ago, the television series Firefly was cancelled after 1 brief season. Since then, those characters have been roaming the galaxy looking for work. They finally found it – with the Cincinnati Bengals
It may be hard to believe, but they’ve all been brought into the NFL, and mostly with the Bengals. Rumors have it that Mike Brown was the one who got Firefly cancelled so he could bring the cast into his team. Here are the Firefly characters, and the Bengals players that we know them by today...
"Sometimes you just wanna duct tape her mouth and dump her in the hold for a month."
Been there since the beginning, when the browncoats were getting their butts kicked. Loyal, dependent, the guy you want to have your back in a fight. A leader.
"Well, at least they covered 'Dropping your weapon so you can eat beans and get yourself shot'."
It took a while to find Zoe, until I looked for the physical characteristics. Similar build. Similar hair.
"A man walks down the street in that hat; people know he's not afraid of anything"
Got to find somebody to fly the ship. Wash was better than the alternatives. He needs quality time with his dinosaur toys. Got to find somebody to snap the ball. Cook was better than the alternatives. But it’s time to let him go the way of the dinosaur, and get an upgrade.
"The small concealable weapons always go to the far left of the place setting"
Inara will disappear and do her thing, and then comes back. Kind of an unspoken leader that some look to for her calm demeanor. Dalton will disappear in the big games and playoffs, and then comes back big against the lousy teams. Kind of a leader since he’s the QB.
"Ten percent of nuthin' is...let me do the math here...nuthin' into nuthin'...carry the nuthin'..."
With all those weapons he’s packing, one would expect more of a role from Jayne. With all those physical attributes that Mays offers, one would expect more of a role from Mays.
"With me? You mean to say...sex?"
Kaylee isn’t a trained mechanic, but just nautrally gifted. She can always make it work. AJ Green is a naturally figted receiver who can always make the tough catch on bad passes and underthrows.
Dr Simon Tam
"Now River, stay behind the others. If there's fighting, you drop to the floor and run away. It's okay to leave them to die."
The good doctor just kind of misses out on everything, and nobody seems to want him around anymore. Rey just kind of misses on every tackle, and no fans seem to want him around anymore.
At first, River didn’t seem like much but a strange little girl. Turns out she’s a kick-@$$, powerful weapon. At first, Geno didn’t seem like much, falling to the 4th round and starting all of 1 game his first year. But has become a kick-@$$, powerful weapon on the defensive line.
The character who just kind of hangs around in the background, wondering half the time if they forgot to write him some lines in the script. The Defensive End who just kind of hangs around on the sideline wondering half the time if they forgot to switch him in for Robert Geathers
Steelers & Ravens & Browns
The reavers are rapists (Ben) and murderers (Ray) and just plain losers (Browns). This one’s pretty obvious.
Brandon Ghee / Dontay Moch
Always breaking down, needing repairs.
Always playing favorites, looking for a reason to put the good guys down.
Firefly’s second season
The Bengals’ indoor training facility
Opening theme song
"Take my love. Take my land. Take me where I cannot stand..."
"Hear that Bengal growlin’, mean and ang-a-ree..."
I did one of these a year and a half ago for Star Wars (Nov 1st, 2011). Seeing a recent redo of it done for some zombie movie (I forget the title. Maybe it was "Waking the Dead?" or something like that), I figured it was time that Firefly got its due.
For those who have seen Firefly, no explanation is necessary.
For those who have not seen Firefly, no explanation is possible.
This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of Cincy Jungle's writers or editors. It does reflect the views of this particular fan though, which is as important as the views of Cincy Jungle's writers or editors.