2013 Cincy Jungle Combine: We Should Be Embarrassed, And We Are

James Lang-US PRESSWIRE

As we approach the 2013 NFL Draft, we thought it would be fun to hold a combine of our own and allow our readers to draft the Cincy Jungle staff.

We here at Cincy Jungle are a tight-knit group. We have all been brought together by our love of football and for telling stories. Many of us played football in high school and have been addicted to the sport ever since. I'm sure, if you were to ask any one of us if we would give up everything we own to play for the Bengals, we'd all say yes immediately. Since we don't have the abilities necessary to make a professional football team, we write about those that do.

But let's just pretend for a moment that all of us are entering the draft. We'd have to work out at the combine to show teams that we're worthy of using a draft pick on.

For now, you're in the draft war room for the Bengals and we're on your big board, for some weird reason. Go ahead and make your picks starting in round one (you won't run out of picks or rounds in this draft).

But first, here's our Combine results:

Josh Kirkendall:

Josh_picture_medium

Height: 6-foot-up-yo-ass
Weight: 225 pounds
Arm Length: 34.5 inches
Position: Guard
School: Mason High School (recruited by Georgetown)
40-time: Speed is relative
Bench press: Planet Earth, bitches
Rationale: Fearless leader, perfectionist

Jason Garrison:

Jason_doctored_medium

Height: 6-foot-5
Weight: Think teenage elephant
Arm length: 36 inches
Position: Tight end/Defensive end
School: Knibb High Football Rules!
40-time: Still running (with shirt on... don't worry)
Bench press: four ribs were cracked by the bar
Rationale: Leader, reliable, likes to lay down a lot, likes bacon

Anthony Cosenza:

Ac_doctored_medium

Height: 6-foot-2
Weight: 230 pounds
Arm Length: He has two arms
Position: Running back/Tight End/Wildcat QB
School: Concordia University Irvine
40-time: 4.8 (Anthony lies sometimes)
Bench press: Legit 15 --"Betcha I can throw a football over them mountains"
Rationale: Leader, better in night games

Joe Goodberry:

Joe_doctored_medium

Height: 6027 (thanks for being different)
Weight: 204
Arm length: 31 inches
Position: Water boy
School: Buffalo something or the other
40-time: Complete
Bench press: "How much weight is this again? 225? Oh no, that's too much."
Rationale: Knowledgeable, student of the game, motor that doesn't quit (sometimes it quits)

BeerRun:

Dave_doctored_medium

Height: 6-foot-1
Weight: 240
Arm length: 30ish
Position: Tight end
School: Hogwarts
40-time: Old English 800
Bench press: At least once
Rationale: Slow, can't block, can't catch, hates contact

Lucas Greta:

Lucas_doctored_medium

Height: 6-foot-2
Weight: 195 pounds
Arm length: 31.5 inches
Position: Wildcat decoy
School: Home school football team
40-time: Negligible
Bench press: Hid in locker room during bench press
Rationale: Rocky-esque heart, less experience, shows promise

Andrew Fox Miller:

Afm_doctored_medium

Height: 6-foot-3
Weight: 225 pounds
Arm length: 32 inches
Position: Possession receiver
School: School of Rock
40-time: Riding lawnmower speed
Bench press: Negative four times
Rationale: Doesn't like Seinfeld

Andre Perrotta:

Not Pictured

Height: 5-foot-11 (and one half)
Weight: 182 pounds
Arm length: 33.5 inches
Position: Emergency third string quarterback/Clipboard holder
School: Law school in French Polynesia
40-time: Chis Johnson combine record, plus one full second
Bench Press: Chris Johnson combine result, minus 20
Rationale: Willing to donate blood (O+) to anyone on the team

Brennen Warner:

Brennen_doctored_medium

Height: Very small giant
Weight: 200, give or take 25 pounds
Arm length: Complete
Position: Benchwarmer
School: University of Phoenix Online
40-time: Fell down and crawled the rest of the way
Bench press: 40 times
Rationale: All football all the time, except most of the time

Now it's your turn. Draft us to your team in order. Remember, you need all positions and you have as many picks as there are of us.

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

Join Cincy Jungle

You must be a member of Cincy Jungle to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Cincy Jungle. You should read them.

Join Cincy Jungle

You must be a member of Cincy Jungle to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Cincy Jungle. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9341_tracker