17 Reasons Why We're Ready For Training Camp

Rob Leifheit-US PRESSWIRE

Less than three weeks remain for training camp and we're so ready for it.

Mark your calendars. From this day forth, we're counting down the days until training camp. Actually, we're doing it just this once because we're assuming that you're capable enough to do it on your own. Anyway, here's our 17 reasons why we're ready for training camp.

17. No more repeating headlines. Though our sympathies and hearts go out to all of those that he's permanently affected, we can't take another Aaron Hernandez dominated story that says the same thing.

16. The Reds aren't helping. The Reds are 16-17 since June 1 with an offense that's struggling way more than the Bengals ever have. Alright, that's a little too dramatic. They're not playing well, in third place with the Pirates in second. There's just something disheartening about that.

15. Don't have to watch Lone Ranger. If I ignore it long enough, I won't have to pay money to watch Johnny Depp's character Jack Sparrow take a break from pirating to play Tonto in the Lone Ranger.

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14. The same, but not the same. We've all grown tired of saying the same thing, but in different and totally ingenious ways to misdirect everyone to believe it's new but in reality, it's old. Andy Dalton needs to have a good season. And Carson Palmer sucks.

13. Bengals version of the Banana Phone. We're looking forward to some of the answers that respond to banana phone-like questions on Joe Reedy's twitter.

12. Arrests in the NFL. Usually when training camp starts, general arrests around the NFL dramatically decreases. It's not that we believe there's this massive problem sweeping the landscape with every player skirting the law. We're just tired of columnists trying to pretend that there is one.

11. Saving America. By this point, Lindsay Lohan should be back in jail, which will indirectly save lives... one day at a time.

10. Controlling the population. Married men (or men in significant relationships) or even women, need something to do. It's not a coincidence that, according to one study, September is the month that the most babies are born. This lines up perfectly for when most NFL teams are eliminated from the postseason. Not implying anything here. Nope. Not at all.

9. Saying foul things that have appropriate meanings. Getting away with saying things like muff, going deep, pounding it down their throats, taking it up the middle, bump and run, he beats him off (the line), penetration, he bangs it in, comes out for a blow... you get the point.

8. Finally getting serious. We can stop with the predictions and paper-champion material and get real by slashing unrealistic expectations and replacing them with realistic expectations. Like saying Bernard Scott has a chance.

7. Staring at the computer screen. Some of you will appreciate this, but there are days when my creative juices are lacking motivation and drive. All that sits before me is a blinking cursor on my monitor. And since I've been dealing with ADD/ADHD most of my adult life, it's not a surprise when I begin watching cute kittens on YouTube, I somehow find myself watching a pet python eating a feeder rabbit. Now I want a pet python.

6. Built-in excuse. This really only applies to some of us. But considering there is some compensation for managing this site, I actually don't receive any grief when I say, "I'm watching the game." That's actually kind of a perk, like the company health plan or the executive's lavatory.

5. No more idle conversions. To be completely blunt, it'll be nice when we're not talking about the same things, about the same offseason, AT THE SAME DAMNED WATER COOLER. I'm talking about my actual day job. Not the website. Yes, they look good. Can't wait to see what they do. Yea, it was a great draft. And yes, part of the idle conversation around the office during our 1.5 hour coffee breaks to start the day, is the draft. It's not that we haven't talked about it... every week. For three months. Life can be difficult sometimes.

4. New material on NFL Network. Don't get me wrong. I enjoy the filler shows that rank the best week eight running backs in NFL history during the offseason. But some of the programming during the season makes it extremely hard for football fans to click off the NFL Network.

3. Lower-tier stories end. What apparel a certain player wears will always get publicity, but usually those stories have an extremely short shelf life when the media is trying to cover the training camps for 32 teams.

2. The battles on Hard Knocks. We're looking forward to the training camp battles and there are a number of them. Even better, we'll see all of them on NFL Films' Hard Knocks, which makes my cable bill happy.

1. It's training camp. You needed the other 16 reasons?

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