The season ends in crushing disappointment, a first round KO, 3 times deep, the sense of dejavu is all encompassing! I'm sure this feeling is not unique amongst the visitors to this site. We are now in the deadzone, dont get me wrong I love football, but I watch the playoffs and think what may have been. On form, part of me is certain we could have done some damage and may well be playing in Denver this Sunday for the AFC championship, the other part burden by the history of the last 25 years sags on me like the Giants standing on the shoulders of Atlas...did I watch the Chargers game with an impending sense of doom after the Gio fumble?
I tell myself no! Get a grip, kick that loser feeling to the side.....but! It knaws and ultimately as the game progressed it..knows! The game ends, the feeling is numb. Then the anger..then at work on a cold Monday morning amongst fellow citizens of the UK...the pain and emptiness of not being able to pour it out to people who bother or care. Lol my wife just says "they always let you down" Like most of my country men, they dont understand the game, a foreign concept in a foreign land but it cuts as deep just as much across the vast expanse of the Atlantic.
But hey, thats what CJ is for, I can come and read and its like catharsis, reading Josh, Anthony, Mojo and thier blogs, reading guys like Cali, emeybe, chili(and his mystic jedi Gil Scot Heron like opining) and Jungle John(Perspective with a capital P) and the rest of a great crowd, I sometimes post but always read; except game threads, I carry enuff anxiety when I watch my Bengals without worrying about the game threads lol.
I digress, right now I sit watching playoff games, read draft blogs, watch prospects on youtube, I only get 3 ncaa games a week over here, try and catch up during the week via espn player app though, thinking about where we go. I was sick at the thought of losing Zim but, god love him he deserves the Viking gig. I find my self strangely comforted by the promotion of Hue, will he make us more balanced and less inclined to ride the arm of Andy? I think yes. And what about Andy, I despaired throughout the 2nd half of the playoff game, but then I watch someone like Brees miss his TE on a playacton rollout and think...if Drew can miss so can our 3rd year Qbie! I watch the playoffs and enjoy the notion of the winning, running the ball, then look back and think why did we not continue using a back averaging over 5 a crack v the chargers?
I think our D was immense, but the other guy called doubt; I mentioned him earlier, 25 year in the role asks what happened in the playoffs, I tell myself, injuries caught up. Our Dline wreaks havoc but that rotation that keeps fresh bodies in the mix dwindled fast and studs like Carlos and MJ were not getting the breather they needed. With Atkins back, Thompson and Hunt blooded and yes.. Geathers back, I would make an attempt at MJ... doubts will always occur; Carlos can bullrush but whats his next move..AND Why cant he get that QB down as much as he should! Will Geno be the same? Damm right..I hope. Devon Still, step up man, in a short sample size you look good but we need more. And pleeeease extend Burfict NOW! I would also never have guessed Terrence Newman would be so integral, another year like that would be good and as for Leon...please come back strong...a second achilles though..who knows?
The question remains will our D be as effective without Zim, Paulie G has been in the programme the talent is there but I find myself thinking "will he blitz more?" On twitter they call him Paulie G; " a term of endearment or a lack of respect?" I doubt its the latter but... history it messes with my mind...
So right now, I await FA, the draft and wont feel better till training camp, jeez I'm fretting over Aj's contract in the meantime. When camp starts I over analyse every bad practice, every bump and bruise, and damm near shit myself in pre season regarding injury..Sense takes over every now and again and I ask vicariously why I live so much of my life vicariously through the Bengals..I'm 38, married with two kids, 6 and 9 and live in country where the NFL is a niche but growing sport, but you know what, I love the Bengals...more than my football soccer team that I grew up watching as a kid. That Love is 25 years deep, just like the doubt but as I posted many moons ago, love hurts!
I apologise for the rambling and the spelling but inspired by Mojos last article I thought after a glass of wine or 5 I'd pour my guts out, maybe nobody will read, if you do, nice, I hope it strikes a chord with my fellow bretheren, and even though it's a touchy subject There is something deep within that has faith in Marvin. My 25 yr old shoulder sitting white elephant in the room laughs at that but I stand firm.
If you read this far, cheers, hopefully I didnt waste the last few minutes.