Dear Emperor Goodell,
I'm so appreciate of you taking time out of your busy schedule to read this petition, Your Lordship. We the fans of the Cincinnati Bengals feel our team deserves to be moved to the Sat. evening prime time slot. Why you may ask? Well, everybody knows Drew Brees can't play in the cold so the game you have featured isn't even going to be close. This means viewers will be turning the game off by halftime resulting in a lot of unwatched commercials, which means those same advertisers will shift their budget next year from the NFL to something like women's soccer.
On the other hand the Chargers have shown they can play in cold weather, beating Denver and Kansas City on the road so I'm sure they would view it as a welcome challenge to play the Bengals in a 5 degree wind chill while its snowing as opposed to the 40 degree spring-like weather expected at kickoff time. Better yet, instead of dividing viewers by subjecting them to four games on Sunday (including two afternoon games at the same time) why not flex the game to Monday night when the temperature's expected to hit -10 and the NFL can advertise the game as "Freezer Bowl II"? The ratings would go through the roof!
Don't worry about subjecting this proposal to a vote, Your Eminence. Vote, schmote! Your Supreme Highness has virtually omnipotent power over the players and the league executives so just issue a decree and strongarm the ba$tard$! If you do this, we promise to support the Empire and keep the Rebels on our team in line (no more behavioral transgressions).