FanPost

Few Injured in Crash Near Ohio River

Some of you may have read my last post, titled "It's a a Roller Coaster". I thought that

particularly coincidental after reading the following article in a few newspapers today.

CINCINNATI (TP) - A roller coaster mysteriously crashed here yesterday afternoon, near the Ohio River. The ride, named "The 2013 Season" collapsed at around 3 PM local time. There were tens of thousands of witnesses. Luckily, few injuries were suffered.

Oddly enough, the passengers belonged exclusively to a group that calls itself the "Cincinnati Bengals fans." This group, while not nationally known, is quite popular around here, with many members, easily identified by their signature black and orange clothing.

Immediately following the crash a Panel of Inquiry was formed. It consisted of the Honorable D. Lapham, the Esteemable C. Collinsworth and the Wavering B. Esiason. I spoke to Mr. Lapham.

"You see this part of the track? It's shaped like a long line. That part is called the O-line. It simply collapsed and the coaster had no chance."

"This part here is called the D-line. You can see it's a bit bent and banged-up, but that's not what caused the crash."

Mr. Esiason begged to differ.

"The most important part is called the QB. It's his job to keep everything else in line. If you look over here, you can see that the coaster's pressure was too much for him."

Most of the passengers were physically uninjured, but suffered deep shock. One passenger, agreeing only to say that he lives in Israel, said "I've been a 'Bengals Fans' member since 1988. This was my 25th time on the ride. I can handle it never reaching its destination, but I've never seen a crash like this. It'll be hard for me to come back." However, some had a different perspective. A man claiming British peerage appeared to be eternally optimistic and went from one shocked person to the next, saying the next ride would be different. Another man, who identified himself as being from Western Texas, appeared to be calmly analyzing the wreckage. Most of the passengers were involved in heated debate, with only a few too shell-shocked to speak.

It would seem that the Cincinnati Bengals Fans group has complex and ever-changing relationships with two other groups, known as the "Cincinnati Bengals Players" and "Cincinnati Bengals Coaches." Fans group members appeared to be in a near-shouting match over the various merits of members of the other two groups. The most vehement argument surrounded a man named Dalton. The names Gruden and Lewis were also mentioned.

The roller coaster had been going for 18 weeks, including a one-week break. It had gone through places as far-flung as San Diego, Chicago and Miami. Up and down, through sun and rain, the ride chugged along. None of the passengers knew quite where and how it would end, but it's fair to say that few onboard expected this. While a few may give up in despair, most will be back for another ride, that starts in September 2014.

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of Cincy Jungle's writers or editors. It does reflect the views of this particular fan though, which is as important as the views of Cincy Jungle's writers or editors.

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