Some people call Mike Brown cheap.
Some label him frugal.
And others will grumble about how he ran the team into the ground during the 1990’s, and then assign him the moniker of tightwad.
Granted this scenario is extremely improbable. But then again, so is the likelihood that any of the talking heads like McShay or Mayock will hit on more than a quarter of their mock draft selections.
#1 HOUSTON ... GENO ATKINS, DT
Looking for an upgrade over Case Keenum, the Texans pass on Dalton and look elsewhere. They take Geno, who pairs with Watt to give them a fierce wrecking crew up front.
#3 J’VILLE ... ANDY DALTON, QB
Anything has to be better than the Henne-Gabbert platoon the Jags have suffered thru. Since the Jags are not a threat to be anywhere near the playoffs, or near a ‘big game’, Dalton’s tendency to falter in that key matchups should not be a problem for the Jags, who are just attempting to climb somewhere near the 0.500 mark.
#4 CLEVELAND ... GIOVANI BERNARD, RB
The Browns have no QB and no RB. With Dalton gone, and Gio available, this becomes an easy choice for the Browns, who get their first good RB since the days of Jamal Lewis.
#5 OAKLAND ... TAYLOR MAYS, S
The Raiders can’t get out of their own way, as the ghost of Al Davis returns to haunt the team’s war room with talk of 40-times & athleticism trumping actual game performance or ability.
#6 ATLANTA ... CARLOS DUNLAP, DE
Desperate for D-Line help, Dunlap gives the Falcons a solid starter at DE.
#7 TAMPA BAY ... VONTAZE BURFICT, LB
Paired with Lavonte David, Burfict gives the Buccs an insane LB combo that can wreck havoc.
#8 MINNESOTA ... LEON HALL, CB
Zimmer knows that Hall still has some life remaining in his legs, and jumps at the opportunity to bring him into a porous Vikings secondary.
#9 BUFFALO ... ANDRE SMITH, RT
Smith joins Urbik, Glenn & Wood to form a solid O-Line for the soon to be sold Bills.
#10 DETROIT ... MARVIN JONES, WR
Fresh off his break-out 10-td season, the Lions grab Jones, hoping they have finally found a solid weapon opposite of Megatron.
#11 TENNESSEE ... REGGIE NELSON, S
In need of help in the secondary, the Titans hope Nelson can provide the relief they need back there.
#12 NEW YORK (NFC) ... ANDREW WHITWORTH, LT
The Giants need a lot of O-Line help. Whit’s versatility can help them at both the LT and LG positions. And he is a great team leader.
#13 ST LOUIS ... KEVIN ZEITLER, OG
Having already provided Bradford an elite target in AJ Green, the Rams now turn to the O-Line, to give Bradford the time to get the ball to Zeitler.
#14 CHICAGO ... WALLACE GILBERRY, DE
In need of help on the D-Line, the Bears scoop up the versitle & productive Gilberry.
#15 PITTSBURGH ... TYLER EIFERT, TE
With Heath Miller aging, Eifert gives the Steelers a good, young replacement.
#16 DALLAS ... GEORGE ILOKA, S
Needing to address the secondary, Dallas takes Iloka fresh off his solid year as a starter for the Bengals in 2013.
#17 BALTIMORE ... CHRISTO BILUKIDI, DT
The Ravens’ front office doesn’t know what to make of Mike Brown selling off his players in an NFL draft format. Unsure what is happening, they eat another crab cake while they discuss what to make of it all. With only a couple seconds left on the clock, the frantically blurt out the first name of a Bengals’ player who comes to mind – Christo Bilukidi.
#18 NEW YORK (AFC) ... JERMAINE GRESHAM, TE
In desperation for options for Geno to throw the ball to, besides the opposing defensive players, the Jets grab a multi-Pro Bowl TE.
#19 MIAMI ... CLINT BOLING, OG
The Dolphins are desperate for help on the O-Line.
#20 ARIZONA ... MIKE POLLAK, C
The Cardinals need to find some way to keep Palmer upright long enough to get the ball to Fitzgerald. Pollak provides them a quality body up front.
#21 GREEN BAY ... DOMATA PEKO, DT
An upgrade over Josh Boyd, the Pack grabs Peko to play NT in their 3-4 Defense.
#22 PHILLY ... ADAM JONES, CB
Jones provides them desperately needed help in the secondary, and a punt retuner to replace DeSean Jackson.
#24 CINCINNATI ... KEVIN HUBER, P
Unsure what to do with the pick, Mike Brown stays local with Huber, figuring he can be signed for a ‘hometown’ discount.
#25 SAN DIEGO ... REY MAUALUGA, ILB
Teamed up with Manti Te’o, the Chargers assemble the all-Samoan ILB duo in their 3-4 defense.
#26 CLEVELAND ... BENJARVUS GREEN-ELLIS, RB
Having grabbed Gio earlier in the draft, the Browns pick up the second half of the Bengals’ RBBC.
#27 NEW ORLEANS ... TERENCE NEWMAN, CB
The Saints feel they are close to a return push for the playoffs, but could use a DB in the worst way. Even with only 1 or 2 years left (tops), Newman gives them that body they need.
#28 CAROLINA ... MARGUS HUNT, DE
The big, athletic DE gives the Panthers another piece on their upstart defense to build with.
#29 NEW ENGLAND ... REX BURKHEAD, RB
With their interest in "heady" white RB’s, the Patriots grab BurkHEAD, envisioning making him another Danny WoodHEAD.
#30 SAN FRANCISCO ... VINCENT REY, LB
With Aldon Smith possibly missing a little time in 2014, the 49ers grab Rey to play a 3-4 OLB position for them.
#32 SEATTLE ... BRANDON THOMPSON, DT
The Seahawks grab a little D-Line depth with the last pick of the 1-round draft.