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Roger Goodell to drive Chris Henry home.

Remember the beginning scene of Return of the Jedi when Darth Vader landed in the partially built, yet fully armed and fully functional, battle station (i.e. Death Star)? If that wasn't enough for the commander overseeing operations, it was announced that the Emperor was coming because he didn't share optimism that the battle station (i.e. Death Star) would be fully operational on time. So the commander stood straight, assured Darth Vader that the battle station (i.e. Death Star) would be ready. It was intimidation to perfection.

Enter Roger Goodell. Does that make Goodell the Emperor?

With his cape securely fastened, NFL Commissioner called Bengals owner, Mike Brown, to offer the Bengals "help".

Phone rings at 2 a.m. at the Goodell residence:

Goodell: Hello, Chris?
Henry: Yo commish.
Goodell: Hey, is Reggie with you?
Henry: No, he flew to Houston two hours ago.

Goodell: What for?
Henry: We don't know. Ever since he started smoking those lights, he's been all over the place.
Goodell: He's smoking?
Henry: Yea.
Goodell: Inside?
Henry: Yea.
Goodell: Is that allowed?
Henry: No.
Goodell: So you're breaking the law?
Henry: Huh?
Goodell: Who are you with?
Henry: Deltha.
Goodell: Can he drive you home?
Henry: Ummm, no.

Goodell: Why not?
Henry: Ummm.

Goodell: Call a cab Chris.
Henry: I-eat.
Goodell: And make sure you brush your teeth tonight.
Henry: I-eat. Thanks Commish.

I'm wondering exactly what "aid" the Commissioner will provide. Will he drive the players home? Will he un-lace cigarettes? That's an intriguing concept, but this is an issue that the Commissioner feels he must address because he feels his critics (me) will be watching closely.. If you don't say anything, then the perception is that you don't care, so you have to say something. Unfortunately, Goodell is more concerned in expanding the product, because, growth is good, right? (Microsoft, Dell, SportsCenter).

"Obviously, when you have incidents that don't reflect well on the National Football League, you have to deal with that aggressively." You know, like suspending Odell Thurman a full season but letting head-kickers and bad officiating get off easy.

"Our players and coaches are seen at a higher level by the public." (i.e. investors, sponsors and multi-million dollar athletic wear contracts)

So how will this aid come? Or is this just intimidation to perfection?

Goodell wants to help Bengals end problems with law [ESPN]