Tonight isn't your typical NFL game. No. It's a party. An extravaganza, a gala, a soiree, a fete, a shindig that will be delivered to homes with a slam, slog, slug, swat, thwack, wham and whop. This is so big that people we associate with drag-out knockdown bare knuckle brawling football will perform during the pregame. Like John Mellencamp, Faith Hill and Kelly Clarkson.
Tonight is like standing in a crowd after hearing the subpar opening act with suffocating anticipation waiting for the headline act that you bought tickets for six months ago. Tonight is like opening day in Cincinnati. Tonight is like finding out whom really killed J.R. Ewing after eight months of reruns (It was Kristen Shepard, BTW).
Sure, the Bengals are off tonight. But we figure it's good that other teams get some publicity. Like John Clayton discussing the Colts, Ravens, Chargers and Patriots because they lack that fair and balanced coverage. Wait, wrong company.
Here are your CBS Fantasy Football anchors.
It's not that I have anything against beautiful people. I mean, I do watch Fox News. But I've always been a sucker for original football enthusiast programming.
Simply to enjoy the red faced temperament of Sith Lord Big Blue Shoe, I again show you my lineup for the weekend.
QB - Peyton Manning (yea, that ticks you off, doesn't it Brad. Yea, ticked.)
RB - Cedric Benson, Brandon Jacobs
WR - Deion Branch, Mark Clayton, Hines Ward, Isaac Bruce
TE - Dallas Clark (what do you think about that, Bradley?)
K - David Akers
DEF - Chargers