Bengals are 9-2 when Chad Johnson records multiple touchdowns

For the 11th time in his career, Chad ________ (fill in name here) scored multiple touchdowns in a game. Surely recognizing a consistent pattern that when he scores more than once, the Bengals are likely winning the ball game; yes, scenarios do exist that an 0-8 team remains eligible to prove true. Barring the unusual, like defensively playing offensively against Cleveland or defensively playing offensively times pi against San Diego in the second half, trends remain trends for a reason.

With 2:35 left in the first quarter, Chad Johnson lined up wide left, running five yards into the endzone, then cutting out. After Ryan Fitzpatrick attempted his less-than-Boomer-Esiason-like play-action to Cedric Benson, he aimed a pass towards the left sidelines. With more than enough separation, Chad Johnson hauled in the two-yard touchdown pass. He laid on the ground, clutching the football, for three minutes. Trends be damned, Chad Johnson scored only his third touchdown pass of the season in his ninth game of the season; not surprising as it would seem knowing that Chad Johnson often goes into cold stretches in the endzone. Depressingly, Johnson didn't show his public endorsement for President.

With 10:50 left in the second quarter, Johnson lined up left -- does he line up any place else? -- running a seam down the sidelines with the defensive back turned away from the quarterback. Thankfully the back didn't turn, or lift a hand, because the pass grazed over his helmet as Johnson leaned away, leaving a replay-worthy skid-mark stretching from the end zone, through the out-of-bounds chalk.

His second touchdown marked two things; his 11th multiple touchdown game, and the odds significantly favoring the greatest team Paul Brown ever invented -- perhaps a bit biased, but I care not for trivial things.