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Carson Palmer wins AFC Offensive Player of the Week

So it's understandable why they call it offensive player of the week when all it means is that the player plays offense. I mean, it's not like Palmer's offensive, is he? He takes showers, he's not vulgar, save for the random hand smelling moments after taking a snap from Kyle Cook. And it's not like he's offensive when he speaks. He's a rather clean cut fellow who doesn't offend. In all honesty, there are several football terms that, you know, could be misinterpreted if the context isn't clearly about football. What about "The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it." How about anytime that an announcer says, "he's off to the sidelines for a quick blow"? Interesting. "He gets penetration in the backfield." Yikes. "He found a hole and slid through it." Understandable. Racing has "pole position". What about muffed?

Speaking of Palmer, do you know what 233 yards passing, five touchdowns and a 146.7 passer rating gets you? A lot of women if you play your cards right. And what awesome quarterback wouldn't like a lot of women? However, the husband and proud father of two has no more use for women that dig great passer rating statistics. Note: I once threw a touchdown pass in middle school for a perfect passer rating. Note, part II: No, I didn't. Instead, he'll have to settle for beating the hell out of opposing secondaries, with a side of weekly recognition awards.

Geoff Hobson writes that Palmer was named AFC Offensive Player of the Week.

It is Palmer’s first league recognition since he was named AFC Player of the Month in September of 2005 (eight TDs and two interceptions in the first three games) and his first Player of the Week award since he engineered 24 fourth-quarter points in the 27-26 win at Baltimore on Dec. 5, 2004. Stat guru and PR chief Jack Brennan noted that his five touchdown passes and no interceptions tied Boomer Esiason’s club record for differential set 20 years ago in a game against Tampa.

That's one award down. Can the Cincinnati Bengals complete the offensive trifecta, with Palmer winning the FedEx Air and Cedric Benson winning FedEx ground awards? You can do something about it, as long as you vote, vote, vote and vote. You have until noon on Friday to make the vote.