When James Walker sits at his desk pondering the questions in life -- should he get the round nacho chips or the triangle ones -- one has to believe that when he comments on Bengals fans, kicking them because it's such a great past time for objective ESPN writers that suck the taint of popularity rather than insight, just how narcissistic ESPN's AFC North writer really is.
Over the weekend, Walker expanded on his "Bengals fans suck" belief, writing:
I wrote recently that Bengals fans disappear and reappear in the blog more than any other fan base in the division. They were out in droves last year and the offseason after they swept the division. But now you can hear a pin drop after a slow start. That may change if Cincinnati beats the Atlanta Falcons on Sunday, but that is still poor fandom. The AFC North blog is a place to find out what's right and what's wrong with your favorite team. But Bengals fans can never seem to handle the latter. Even Browns fans, who have significantly less to cheer about, have stuck with their team throughout the three seasons I've ran this blog.
Yes, this is actually his writing. Let's break it down:
"They were out in droves last year and the offseason after they swept the division. But now you can hear a pin drop after a slow start. That may change if Cincinnati beats the Atlanta Falcons on Sunday, but that is still poor fandom."
You can imagine the total shock on my face learning that James Walker, not the Scorpion King, became the God of everything related to Bengals fandom in a memo that we were obviously excluded from. If you literally don't email him, or send him cute little tweets, then you're not just a bad Bengals fan, you're making all of us bad Bengals fans as well. And here I'm thinking that every AFC North SB Nation blog runs circles around the work that Walker does. And most of us are paid just enough to support really bad addictions. Our community so kicks ESPN's community like a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the face.
However, the edjumacating continues, learning what it means to be a good fan, specifically contacting Walker once a week and writing "Bengals" in the subject without a single word typed in the content -- so you know, we're being awarded all sorts of super awesome happy fandom points -- we can totally join the ranks of "people that still don't give a shit about what Walker says." Yea, I suppose we're kind of narcissistic in our own little way. That being said, make sure you email Walker once a day. You can chat about anything, like why Fruity Pebbles is so the bomb, provided you put Bengals in the subject line.
Narcissism? Oh, yea.
"The AFC North blog is a place to find out what's right and what's wrong with your favorite team. But Bengals fans can never seem to handle the latter. Even Browns fans, who have significantly less to cheer about, have stuck with their team throughout the three seasons I've ran this blog."
This isn't just about his careless insults of Bengals fans. I mean, really. The man himself is completely awash in his bubble bath of love, staring at the mirror and saying, "I'm goddamn fantastic." He makes the Old Spice look humble. But what can you do? Put up with the insults, help adjust his attitude in the comments (which he probably doesn't even read first hand) or email him so you'll get a fantastic response of narcissistic silence? No. When one loves themselves so much that they're participating in a one-man orgy narcissistic love, you really can't talk to them.
So we will say good bye to James Walker for now, for we are mere mortals in the gog of life, only hoping to one day graduate to the kiddie table by Thanksgiving.