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Bengals Banter: Asking For The Results Of A Con Job To Remember

A WDR fan wrote to Mike Brown and Katie and Troy Blackburn. He asked how season tickets are going, in a condescending way -- a way that no front office executive could possibly see dripping from the sides of their computer screens. Katie Blackburn, the presumed heir to the Bengals franchise, writes (courtesy of WDR) with the full knowledge of the emailer's "tone".

From: "Blackburn, Katherine"
Date: January 6, 2011 2:40:23 PM EST
To: "WDR Comrade"
Subject: RE: tickets

There is reason to believe that next season will be a good one. We had 395 yds and 371 yds of offense in our last two games against top 10 defenses and teams that were playing to win. Next year's schedule is not as difficult as this year's where our opponents had the highest winning percentage of any team in the NFL. With all due respect your interest and comfort in sending messages that show little decorum and all negativity don't shine a very good light on you. You can perpetually be negative but that is an easy and not very respectable approach to life. The great thing about football is that for the next season you do get to start over and we will start over with a good attitude and high hopes and expectations. Who Dey!

She's right that the offense showed some life in the final two games. Yet, the team went 1-1 in those two games. The point isn't moral victories. It's victories. And justifying a loss with a 395-yard performance for the offense is like saying the dog's poop in the living room really isn't that smelly, so we won't punish him, leaving out the fact that the dog still unloaded in the corner behind the TV stand. At least he's a sneaky defecator.

+ IF YOU WANT TO LEAVE, LEAVE. On Monday we responded on the guy that's selling his allegiance of his football fandom. It's an interesting debate, to be honest. What's also entertaining to this hardworking poster is that some reader's exhibit a complete lack of effort, allowing lazy eagerness to trump thoughtfulness. For instance, in that piece we wrote, "we hate to see you go, but really, can we absolutely blame people for leaving?" It's an honest assessment. Cheering for the Bengals isn't for every soul on this planet and some people just prefer the easier life. It's not like we sit here and verbally punish people for leaving their fandom for the best team in the NFL so that, dadgumit, they're cheering for a winner every year. No. Some prefer to steal bread, others prefer to earn it. And others still prefer to ask for it on eBay and have it delivered. However your methods, whatever you decide is your choice.

Most of us are too damn stubborn to know anything else. We cheered this long, a 4-12 season isn't going to kill us. But it's also not going to be forgotten in our long venting sessions about Mike Brown is gathering together an army of Orcs to reclaim his precious. Wait, bad reference.

+ ON THE OTHER HAND, THIS WOULD BE AWESOME. If the fan that's selling his allegiance on eBay were to do a WWE turnaround. Think about the level of awesome this could be. Standing in the ring, our beloved fan takes the mic and stays, "what's up Pittsburgh, PA." Fans cheer, going crazy, anticipating the announcement of his changed allegiance in front of thousands, and thousands and thousands of Pittsburgh fans. "How are you tooooo-ni-eat?" More yippie and rejoicing, like boys discovering the truth that there's far more to learn about females than what Playboy shows us. "This is going to be an incredible night," our beloved Bengals fan starts. "Tonight is going to be the night of my li-eeee-fe."

More cheering when suddenly, Ben Roethlisberger comes out to that one rap song about beating evil female gangs that once threatened the world's population. Ben takes the mic, looks our beloved Bengals fan up and down, examining him with one eye half shut like he's slightly intoxicated. Or maybe it has something to do with Richard Seymour.

Ben talks about changing allegiances, playing to the crowd and barking like a dog in heat. Suddenly our beloved Bengals fan snatches the mic from Ben's hand and looks at him, steps back towards one of the turnbuckles and looks to his left and then his right. He pulls out a black hat from his back pocket and says, "I have only one thing to say." He puts on the black hat and Ben's expression is priceless. Instead of the Steelers logo, it's an orange "B". He didn't change allegiances. He just robbed every Steelers fan of their innocence.

The crowd insanely boos and Ben menacingly approaches our beloved Bengals fan. Then Shawn Michaels comes out, roundhouse kicks Ben Roethlisberger in the face and our beloved Bengals fan selling his allegiance rips off his shirt to show a Carson Palmer jersey underneath and walks out with the Heartbreak Kid.

We're holding out hope here.

(Note: We fixed Shawn Michaels name, thanks to the intimate knowledge of correct spellings for wrestler's names from JCon77)