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Open Thread: Why God Hates Me Playing Fantasy Football

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This is a small personal note I had to get off my chest. It was bad. Laugh at me if you will, but I suspect more of you have experienced similar stories of your own. While drafting my fantasy football team this year, loaded with two liters of Mountain Dew and an oak tree full of cotton candy, one thing I never pay attention to is when players that I'm getting ready to draft have a bye week. It's a major to-do list for fantasy football players that are entirely too obsessed with it, becoming more interested in their team than the actual games played. I'm no gamer. I just the hate the game. But some unexplained phenomenon from the reaches throughout the universe pulls at me. So I play. I have to. Being pointed at while everyone laughs at me draws too many painful memories. Granted I've played well this year, but I suspect my karma is coming to an end.

Week seven hit me harder in fantasy football for two reasons. The more notable one, the only reason I'm bringing this up, is due to a bye week between both of my quarterbacks (Tom Brady and Andy Dalton) this weekend. John Beck was the only starting quarterback available. So I picked him up. Needed to open a spot on my roster.

My final pick, my Mr. Irrelevant, was Cowboys running back DeMarco Murray. With Michael Turner and DeAngelo Williams, who has been completely screwed by the revamped Carolina offense to suit Cam Newton, as my starting running backs, I didn't need Murray. And the morning I dropped him off the roster, he set a franchise record 253 yards rushing with a scosh over 10 yards per rush. This is reason #14,201 that fantasy football pisses me off more than terrorists that kick puppies.

Believing that using a roster spot for a backup place kicker is similar to planning a contingency that the planet Earth will run out of oxygen so I'll buy a single tank of breathable oxygen as a "just in case" plan of action, my kicker Mike Nugent stayed on the active roster, because I largely already accepted the loss this weekend. I mean. I had John freaking Beck as my starting quarterback.

How did your fantasy football teams do this weekend? Any similar stories?