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Bengals Early Bird Special

Boy oh boy, did I hear something quite unusual last night. I heard that the Bengals decided to trade Carson Palmer to the JFL, the Japanese Football League. In return the Bengals will receive sushi for 192 years, an actual replica of Godzilla along with all of the movies that are remotely related to that "terrifying" lizard, as well as 5,930.5 ninjas just because ninjas are AWESOME, 627 Japanese Zen and rock gardens, and even Jackie Chan himself. But wait it doesn't stop there.

The Bengals also decided to release Jordan Palmer. They believed that contrary to what he has told the media, that he too, will want out of Cincinnati by threatening to retire if he isn't traded after being on the bench for his entire career. Jordan's decision has left the city and team in turmoil. I can't seem to bear the thought of Jordan leaving the city. What will we ever do without him? Oh wait...probably what we've been doing the past three or so years he has been warming up the bench. And finally Mike Brown wants to have Andy Dalton sit on the bench until his hair is no longer red. Seriously?

The next quarterback is going to be the guy who suits up as the mascot. Brown saw his arm when tossing out those free t-shirts and fell in love with his accuracy and arm strength. I mean come on, throwing a t-shirt and a football are basically the same thing...wait nevermind they aren't. They are complete opposites. Now that's just too much to take in in one day.

Okay so as usual that isn't happening. And none of my comments reflect how I truly feel about the Palmer brothers or Andy Dalton.  But let's face it, getting some ninjas and Jackie Chan would be epic. And if Mike Brown decided to do any that then the city would demand that he be sent to an insane asylum for the remainder of his life.

Alright now let's get you caught up on all of the action that you may have missed or overlooked from Thursday: