Mortensen: Carson Palmer Will be in "Retirement Mode" -- He Doesn't Need Retirement Papers

Yes.... this is a Carson Palmer article. Unfortunately Carson Palmer is still news for the Cincinnati Bengals. Trust me, I wish it wasn't that way too, but it is. So, before you punch your monitor or throw your laptop through the window, let's get one thing clear -- I don't like this either.

Now that we got that out of the way, here's some Carson Palmer news:

ESPN's Chris Mortensen recently Tweeted about Palmer's "trade me or I'll retire" situation. Since there isn't a trade anywhere on the horizon (or anywhere really far beyond the horizon... so in space), Palmer has obviously decided that he will retire. That doesn't necessarily mean he needs to fill out his retirement papers, though.

Must be nice.

It appears as though filling out retirement papers only deals with getting retirement benefits, like having a nice waterproof chair installed in your shower and getting that spray so your house smells like moth balls. Carson Palmer isn't interested in those retirement perks apparently. Instead, he's just going to act like the guy from Office Space and just not go to work anymore.

It's amazing how that works out in the movies..... and if you're a professional athlete.

I wonder if when he came up with this idea if it went a little something like this:

Waitress: So, what do you do.

Palmer: I'm the quarterback of a constantly underachieving professional football team.... you know what. I don't really like talking about my job. I'm not going to go anymore.

Waitress: (laughing) You're going to quit?

Palmer: No, I'm just going to stop going.

Waitress: Won't you get fired?

Palmer: I don't know. I'm just not going to go.