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Five Stages of Grief for Bengals Fans: Anger


All that stuff I said earlier about how that stuff is impossible, it turns out it's totally possible. I cannot begin to describe to you how angry I am. I'm beyond anger. I'm like punch small cute animals angry. I want to gather all the Bengals memorabilia in the world and burn it in a giant bonfire. I want to go to every player's house, pack their bags and move them all to Los Angeles so they can start to play there. I want to destroy the world.

This team sucks. I should have known this was going to happen. I'm so stupid for being a fan of this team in the first place. All they do is break your heart and kick you in the balls. Rey Maualuga played football like I used to when I was in sixth grade. I actually watched him step into a hole to stop the run and when he was met by the fullback he literally shied away from the hit and Arian Foster went on to run for a first down. How about shedding that block and making a play, you giant, long-haired baby?

Then I got to watch Adam Jones get beat so badly that he fell down, and the guy who beat him on the route was Andre Johnson, a 50-year-old receiver who sat out half the year because his hamstrings exploded. How is that possible? Oh, and where was Jones' help? Who knows, but since his help was Chris Crocker, I'd assume that he was laying on the ground somewhere. I'd rather have this Chris Crocker on my team than our Chris Crocker at this point.

Oh, and don't get me started on Foster's touchdown run. I don't think I've ever seen defense that bad. Crocker literally looked like he was blocking for Foster all the way down the field. Let's watch:

Ever seen anything like that? I don't think I have. I'm no athlete, especially compared to professional football players, but holy crap I bet I could at least give Foster a shove out of bounds on that play.

Seriously, I'm piling up all my Bengals stuff and I'm going to burn it. I'm done with this team.