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| Posing as an NFL player with the Cincinnati Bengals is illegal. |
Meet Maurice Carter.
See Maurice Carter is a 30-year old wide receiver that plays for the Cincinnati Bengals and you've never heard of him. We suspect that's because he's a blazing blur of pure testosterone that makes that makes it difficult for our ridiculously undeveloped brains to comprehend his awesomeness. When someone tried to create his Wiki page, servers crashed. Wiki called it their protest against Congressional bills called Stop Online Piracy (SOPA) and Protect IP (PIPA).
Carter though has fallen on some seriously hard times. After giving women the honor of paying for his hotel rooms and expensive meals, he said very manly-like that he'll "totally pay you back." And if you decided to change your mind after promising to give him money, he'll just take it from you. No one owns your money like Maurice friggin' Carter.
Now he's spending the next five years in prison for scheming women, saying he was a Bengals wide receiver that forgot his wallet in his super expensive car driven by a super popular and famous football player.
This is a lesson to you ladies. Make sure you check the roster on Bengals.com or here at CincyJungle, which shows what the players look like. Or, I don't know, don't give dudes you just met thousands of dollars.