The Cincinnati Bengals All-Name Team

Boomer Esiason, QB ('84-92, '97): A quarterback with the first name Boomer? Too obvious to ignore. We're also completely ignoring the fact that his first name is actually Norman.

Doug Gaynor, QB ('86): Roy Hibbert may misunderstand.

Ickey Woods, RB ('88-91): Alright, so his name is actually Elbert -- what is it with those 80s teams? Yet Woods represents one of the few players in NFL history that is instantly recognized by saying one word. Kind of like Boomer.

John Conner, FB ('12): Unlike the Terminator series, John Conner the fullback was actually played by the same person more than once.

Boobie Clark, FB/RB ('73-78): Giggle all you want. Clark, a former AFL-AFC rookie of the year, was a stud of a fullback posting 25 rushing touchdowns while adding another 151 receptions in only six seasons with Cincinnati. Sadly, Clark died at the young age of 37 after developing a blood clot in his lung.

Speedy Thomas, WR ('69-72): Really. Speedy. For a wide receiver. Brilliant. Thomas, a former third-round pick from the 1969 NFL draft, posted 94 career receptions for 1,239 yards receiving and nine touchdowns.

Gunnard Twyner, WR ('97): Only played four games during his brief NFL cameo, two with the Cincinnati Bengals. Even during his eight quarters of life in Cincinnati, Twyner posted four receptions for 45 yards receiving. Twyner is currently a wide receivers coach with Western Illinois University, where he played college football.

T.J. Houshmandzadeh, WR ('01-08): Houshmandzadeh's name was so unique that he had a fantasy football commercial dedicated to people trying to pronounce his name.

Rodney Tweet, WR (1987): Rodney had tweets before tweets ever existed.

Craig Yeast, WR (1999-00): A former fourth-round pick form the 1999 NFL draft, Yeast posted 27 receptions in two seasons with the Bengals. After a brief stint with the New York Jets, Yeast would go on to have an effective career in the Canadian Football League. Currently a wide receivers coach at Tiffin University.

Andrew Crummey, C ('08): Kind of sums up his NFL career.

John Shinners, G ('73-77): A good strong name for an NFL offensive lineman. Chris Berman would become orgasmic with the possibilities.

Melvin Tuten, OT-TE ('95-96): A third-round selection during the 1995 NFL draft, Tuten only played two seasons in Cincinnati, starting nine games. He would play for the Broncos and Panthers before retiring after the 2003 season. Tuten joined the coaching ranks following a four-game comeback in 2011 with the Marion Blue Racers of the CIFL.

Mike Hammerstein, DL ('86-90): Holy s*** this name still rocks so much hardcore that every time you read his name, you grow chest hair. Go ahead, look. Hammerstein (feel it?) generated 5.5 quarterback sacks during his four seasons with the Bengals.

Coy Bacon, DE ('76-77): We're applying mathematics here. Football fans love defensive players that generate inconceivable sack numbers. And most red-blooded humans love bacon. Therefore everyone loved Coy Bacon.

Frostee Rucker, DE ('06-11): Frostee enjoyed success in Cincinnati before Cleveland came calling with bags of money, proving what we've known for years. The Browns ruin careers. Would we be too cliched if we said, "Frostee's career cooled after Cincinnati?" We don't care. We said it.

Andre Purvis, DT-DE ('97-99): Only played 21 games over three seasons with the Bengals (and the NFL). Although he played mostly special teams, Purvis recorded an NFL sack in 1998.

Dan Skuta, LB ('09-12): We added Skuta for one reason. We kept accidentally spelling his name Stuka during his first season in Cincinnati, which would have been far more badass.

Hannibal Navies, LB ('05): When you think of someone named Hannibal, you automatically think of Thomas Harris' well-known titular character, Hannibal Lector. Navies played 15 games with the Bengals, a special teamer the only season he played.

Karmeeleyah McGill, LB ('93): Only played four games in the NFL, all with the Bengals in 1993. According to his LinkedIn profile, McGill is currently a tax manager in the St. Petersburg area. I'm just glad we weren't around yet to spell his name.

Takeo Spikes, LB ('98-02): The only thing that would make more sense for a linebacker with the name Spikes is having a hammer somehow associated with it.

Kanavis McGhee, LB ('94): Since the "v" and "b" are so close on the keyboard, we could understand the mistake when Roger Goodell instinctively suspends McGhee four games.

Barney Bussey, S-KOR ('86-92): A former United States Football Leaguer who played with Reggie White at Memphis, Bussey ended up playing seven seasons in Cincinnati, generating ten interceptions, forcing two fumbles and recovering three. He also scored a touchdown in 1990. Plus people named Barney just makes everyone's day brighter.

Cleotha Montgomery, Returner ('80): The name kind of stood out. Montgomery only played 14 games with the Bengals in 1980, returning 31 punts (7.2 yard/return average) and 44 kickoff returns (19.2).

S.W.A.T Team: We just had to add this. The vaunted crew that maintained Cincinnati's secondary for the '88 Bengals, led by David Fulcher, Solomon Wilcots, Eric Thomas and Lewis Billups, combined for 17 interceptions that year and ranked in the top-ten in passing defense and opposing quarterback rating. It was one of the best secondaries that the Bengals have ever fielded. Fulcher and Thomas earned places on the 1988 Pro Bowl and All-Pro team.