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Keys to the game: Just score more points

There are some that thrive off complicating simple things into unbelievable buckets of uselessness. For example, when conjecturing the outcome of a game, all of the obvious keys always apply. Like always. In every game that ever exists.

Have you ever noticed that most "keys to the game" are usually arbitrary "keys" that basically applies to almost every game? Convert third downs, win the turnover battle, run the football better than before, are usual safety zones to a greater talking point that encapsulates such silly conjecturing. The Bengals are winning while running the ball? Let's add that as a key as if we came up with this entirely on our own? The Bengals are on the road? Score quick to get the crowd out of it (not sure if that really applies to the Buccaneers though). The Bengals aren't really getting a pass rush? So get a pass rush. Done.

There are some, we're convinced, that grab a satchel full of keys and then pull out 3-5 of them. Have you ever seen the South Park episode with the Manatees? With some touch, the keys are delicately converted into Bengals-specific points and boom... there's your keys. And even if you're one of the few people that carries these keys into the game, they're hardly absolute (actually, they're not unlike throwing something against the wall and hoping that it sticks). The Bengals have won games with a disadvantageous turnover margin. It's not like it hasn't happened. They've sucked at things that others have determined as keys... and won!

So we took to twitter and with some help from our followers, devised our very own keys to Sunday's game against the Buccaneers.

We would add things like "arrive at Stadium", "healthy breakfast", "drinking plenty of fluids", "actually run the play that was called in the huddle", but we'd fear that people wouldn't take us seriously anymore. Oh, wait.

If this were Wheel of Fortune, then those are the letters given to you (aka, R, S, T, L, N, E). We'll add more to our "if you use these keys, then you're a lazy prick only interested in traffic accumulation" list. Oh, wait. You have those in mind and now you can come up with keys... or as some would call it, "guessing out of your ass" using key words that the internet loves. Hey, I used the key in a completely different context... or did I?

Dramatic chipmunk

If you want to impress everyone with a prediction, then guess the winner and the final score.

I've got: Bengals 93, Buccaneers -3. Oh, wait. I think I did it wrong.