2020 has changed what Halloween is for most of us, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have some fun and support your team.
Halloween can provide a nice way to relax, which is something we could all afford to do at times like these. Even New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick understands that. In 2009 at the urging of Randy Moss, Belichick and the Patriots had a Halloween party, which Belichick attended dressed as a pirate.
However, these are tough times. So I have compiled a list of Bengals costumes that you can piece together cheaply and easily.
Giovani Bernard - Cost: $0-1.99
There is no denying it, Bernard’s mustache is epic. I mean, that is not just a ‘stache, that is a legend. Tom Selleck would be proud of that thing. Ron Swanson would want to take it out for a steak dinner. Gardner Minshew II cowers in it’s glory. Gio looks like the chief of police in an 80’s cop-drama, who is sick of the protagonist’s screw-ball antics.
It also creates an opportunity for an epic Halloween costume. You only need 2 things: Bengals gear and a mustache. If you are reading this article, you probably already own some Bengals gear. That just leaves the soup-strainer.
If you can grow a mustache and are willing to commit, you’ve got yourself a free Halloween costume. If not you can buy a pack of fake mustaches for less than $2. Boom.
D.J. Reader - Cost: $0-3.66
If you have read my work before, you know that I enjoy word play. Years ago I dressed as “T-Rex Burkhead,” which involved a Patriots shirt and dinosaur mask. This is the same basic idea. It’s not about literally looking like the Bengals defensive tackle, it’s about his name.
Let’s start with “D.J.” If you have headphones, you are all set. The bigger the better. Earbuds don’t really work, but if you have something you walked off a plane with, that will work. If not you can get cheap headphones for less than $2, although you might have to shell out a few more bucks to get a little more bulk. They might not sound very good, but that’t okay. You aren’t going to plug them in anyway.
Then we have “Reader.” For this you take a plain white t-shirt and write “Nook” or “Kindle” on it. You could also just write it on a piece of tape and put it on the shirt if you want to save the shirt.
Free Mason Schreck - Cost: $3.79-30.00
This is a similar idea. Instead of literally dressing like Bengals tight end Mason Schreck, you dress like Shrek as a Free Mason.
This costs a little more because you may want to buy a Shrek mask. You can find one for about $20 if you look hard enough. If you want to do it cheaper, and wanted to buy some green face paint for about $2, that’ll do, Donkey.
Then you need something to represent the name “Mason.” If you are not a Free Mason, you can find a Free Mason pin for $2 or $3 or a t-shirt for a little over $10.
Alternatively you could get a George Mason University t-shirt for roughly the same price. So if you wanted to go with “George Mason Schreck.” Finally, if you have some brick laying paraphernalia, you could be a different kind of Mason Schreck.
Bengals Players - Cost: $0-4.97
This is a 2-person costume.
Head coach Zac Taylor said his message to the team this week was “stick together.” So this idea is simply taking some rope or and tie it around both people’s waste.
This is obviously a bit restrictive, but it is a lot less personal that a 2-person horse costume.
The Panic Button - Cost: $13.89-15.56
Taylor has also stated that nobody is hitting the panic button despite the lack of wins this season.
You can actually buy a “panic button” for under $15.
Take a shirt and write “Don’t Push” on it of attach tape to it that says the same, then tape the “panic button” to the shirt.
Bengals on Game Day - Cost: $19.90
As we all know the Bengals get no calls.
Referees seem to not notice when the other team commits penalties and judgement calls always seem to go the other way.
You can find a t-shirt that says “No Signal” or “No Connection” and has the same indicator that your phone shows when you have no network connection. They cost about $20.
This shows that just link the Bengals on game day you are getting no calls.
Bengals Helmet - Cost: $2-11.49
This was inspired by former Bengals linebacker Adrian Ross, who dyed tiger stripes into his hair.
You can get orange hair spray for about $2. If you already have black hair, you just need to spray in orange stripes or maybe make a stencil. If you have lighter hair, spray the orange all over, then you get black hair dye gel which costs about $10. Either way, you’ll probably need a friend to help you make this look good.
The bonus to this costume wearing a black facemask actually improves it.